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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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And now up in heaven I sigh. .. hmm .. bit wobbly on the tenses, that one.
Impartial advice is quite rare
And even then, to be fair
I seldom take heed
Carpe Diem's my creed
I just do what I want with my hair
Eating beans and fly fishing with Hartley
At a village in Wiltshire called Startley
I caused quite a stir
'cos I mimicked the burr
So the trout leapt and slapped my face smartly.
PLastic surg'ry to lengthen my spine
They said silicone implants were fine
But my facelift went "phutt"
Any now looks like my butt
Any --> And
Which is great! So I've no need to whine.
[SW] Do we really need all these hyperlinks?
Chalky - Buff up your German and write
'My German is shiny and bright!' - That's what you meant, isn't it, Chalky?
Then give him a roast
After that, you can boast: unfini...
'It's bangers and mash nächster zeit'
'My Bach is müch worse than my bite'. [alternative and much better ending - serves me right for getting distracted by that minx penelope when we're supposed to be hard at work. Anyway - apologies for hogging the game - over to you lot ...
A present is under the tree
I really hope it's for me
It's a very strange shape
and all are agape (Chalky) But is it verse zen your Cherman Bight?
So I'll open it and we will all see.
"..and so, in summation", he said,
"As thrilled as I am with this... head,"
"The other missing bits..."
(toes, teeth and tits)
"Will shortly mean I'll end up dead."
In a fight with the monster King Kong,
I realised something was wrong
For a start, he was tiny
and his nose it was shiny
And he emitted a terrible pong!
While paying for something by Visa
I was heckled by old Ebenezer
"Bah, humbug!" he cried
"I don't care who's died, This quote left deliberately open
cos I am a grumpy old geezer!" - this quote deliberately closed :D
I can't see the wood for the trees
And I can't see the pod for the peas
or the grass for the blades
Or my feet for the shades
I've got an oc-u-lar disease!
Prepare for the onslaught, my friend!
With pistols at dawn, make amend!
The revolution is here
Our aim? It's not clear
Oh just how will it all end.
With a bang, not a whimper, I fear!
That's how Iraq will end the old year
But not every place
With a US army base
will necessarily cheer.
And so, Merry Christmas to all!
I hope that you all had a ball
And all those at work
For whom it must irk
To be 24/7 on call.
So 2004's nearly done
I just wish it had been much more fun
In 2005
I will not deprive
The world of my second-best pun. oh yes - it's a killer ...
Happy New Year, to one and to all
And may your big things not grow small
If this should occur
due to alcohols blur
then piss up against that there wall. Plunge the knife, then, Chalky.:-)
Your target is 30 feet high
(For the Jolly Green Giant must die!)
I'll take my pea-shooter
(Blow legumes up his hooter)
And cook up his veg in a pie!
In spite of the blustery weather
I'm off for a tramp through the heather
'Cos the wind up my kilt
When I run at full tilt
Will toughen my scotum to leather oh dear oh dear oh dear....
I must say that I'm shocked and appalled! Nah, not really.
not to mention disgusted and galled [pen] what's a scotum? have I got one?
At the thought that someone
Should feel moved to con - [hey snorgs - where you beeeeen?]
us to thinking that this game had stalled! [nights] probably not yet, as you're still only very young ;o)
It was wrong, I admit and I'm sorry
To take her to a disused quarry ...bit dark perhaps?
But in my defence
I gave her ten pence
Then let her get out of the lorry dark indeed....
It's dark, deeply sordid, and wrong
Let's lighten the mood with a song
About fluffy chicks
Who go to the flicks
In pink feather boa and thong
The judge stood up straight and orated - Chalky - here and Dublin - just haven't had time to post!
The verdict that I had awaited:
"On the charge of fraud - guilty!"
And 'though not well-built, he
Smiled like a man being fellated
innocent whistling
My feet are too big for my shoes !
I've been wearing a pair of canoes!
But they haven't, as yet unfini...
Let me down in the wet
So I've booked for a trans-urban cruise. .. bon voyage
My balls itch so bad...
Stimpy, that line is WAY too short. It should be AT LEAST 7 syllables. Unless it was just a general comment - in which case, see your doctor!
If you find that your balls have an itch
Dip them into a tub of hot pitch
While it might make them swell
it's just as well
that your sex life was never that rich. (Raak) you're a sadist, man/
I find proper grammer attractive
Which suggests that my sex life's inactive
When I see a subjunctive
(Would it were conjuctive)
My libido becomes hyperactive
there once was a man from tashkent
Who, somehow, contrived to invent
A portable hole
and an inverted pole
And a corkscrew that was straight and not bent.
meanwhile, an old woman in Essex see how pretty things can be on these things?
Lay a claim to the Duchy of Wessex
The root of her title
Was a deed to a pightle
(bought with numerous fraudulent checks) (nights)What things?
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