And covers her fully sorry, couldn't resist

Cor blimey! This outfit is heady! Haaang on...are we talking Teddy as in skimpy diaphanous-yet-wooly garment held together with "strategically placed snap fastenings" (hurhurhur) or were you thinking more along the lines of a clockwork Ursus Somnolus that sings "Walzing Matilda"?

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His ineptitude Stress shift required.

BUGGER! Didn't see you there, Darren. I'll have another go.

Not David Baddiel? Tiresome git. This is my actual contribution, BTW.

Who kept as pets boy and girl stoats "Poets"? Come on...

Their loud copulation (Puckoon) Who's the censor? You, matey, to judge by the message timing. If you can't think of a line then just sit this one out.

For helping them on with their coats Needs a Lincolnshire accent for this one to rhyme, but it does work, honest. 'Coats' is 'Coo-arts', 'stoats' 'stoo-arts etc etc.

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A return to more RP reciting

Does one not think these vowels sound inviting? Kudos to Darren for that nifty line 4

Ignore Michael Caine (Pen) That sounds more like Hartlepool to me, where the word "no" is two syllables, prounced "Noah" or "gnawer". Maybe it's an east-of-England thing.