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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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The forum police must give chase [St Dog] You misread my comment. It was the handle-napper who I was referring to as being deserving of the attribution of the term 'asshole'. They had made the comment disguising themselves with your handle but inferring the monika to themselves. I'm sorry if you took offence but you really didnt need to.
For we're a happy, brave few
There is me, him and you
Plus the assholes - but they're a disgrace.
*Phew* - what a relief that the misunderstanding has been unmisunderstooded.
"Disgusted" of Tunbridge Wells, Kent (Chalky) Unmisunderstanded, surely?
Where "A Room With a View” is for rent or have I unmisunderstanded your intentions?
These insinuations
Will hamper relations No Bushisms here please. Maybe the germ of a seed of an inkling of an idea for another game?
(Well, I hope so, for that's my intent)
snodgrass] well in that case I am very glad I didn't say "fuck you". Sorry for the confusion but it wasn't clear and seemed mightily unprovoked......ho humYou're an asshole and so is your horse
ooops!
You're an asshole and your horse is one too
This we’ve heard from the mouth of the whores assuming 'You're an asshole and so is your horse' is the line to be rhymed in best possible scansion mode....? Or if you like, replace it with: As was writ on the door to the loo....
Tho' Arse-hole we say o'er here
This one has lost its thread a little I fear. Yes the second one didn't really scan too well. Crivvens. What to do ? Lets start it again with a completely new line
My horsey's upset and offended
The mare, which it had intended
Now she'll have no truck
With the amorous buck
So sadly this Limerick ended. Alternatively for us whoresmen: Her ass though still looks very splendid.
You shouldn’t jump over the fence,
He said to a child who was dense
For you know not what
A deep pit I have got (the child had just jumped into his garden you see, and had landed in a large pit that the man had dug. It loses something in the explanation I think.)
Now I'm afraid that your corpse I must flense Because once in the pit this maniac has dug in his garden, stunned from the unexpected drop and helpless to ward of the mad neighbour's intentions, the child gets subjected to a "Silence of the Lambs" moment, dies a horrible death and becomes an Item of secret fetish-wear. You're right, it does lose something, doesn't it?
Kidnapped, drugged then dropped in my pit
It upset my schedule, a bit
Still, I did escape
To commit one more rape
'Cause I'm an insensitive git.
[Fiddler] not nice, and not even funny ...
Now let's all just cool off for a while [Chalky] No worse than child-skinning, surely? Hang on, I did that one. Much worse, I agree.
And rest while we wash off the bile
And the phlegm and the snot
I'd much rather not
For I'm base and I'm bad and I'm vile.
When learning the rules of a game
Let bad html take the blame
Ooh, she's so bold!
The learners she'll scold
Be kind to us please, it's a shame
Let fantasy flow we proclaim! [Chalky]...please remember our lines are not necessarily fiction, they may very well be, but you'll never know .... ;-)
Once Ella sang jazz with the Duke, (whoops, sorry folks, please see my unintentional 6:th line above as an alternative ending…)
She duetted with George on the uke
Her "Do-Be-Do-Doos"
They could never refuse
Now they're trapped in the ole’ box of Juke.
Today it is Monday - at last
By gum, you got that line in fast while I was "previewing" as it 'appens.
Hurry up! Time is flying!
My brain cells are dying!
And that's how every Monday is passed. (but that it were true)
'Tis Tuesday! A whole bright new day!
With Friday just three days away
And the full-moon is bright
and up there all night
Its just clouds that get in the way
Now Tuesday is almost all spent
Well it is if you live near to Kent - which I don't, you GMTist swine.
So let's give a cheer
And get out of here
I've given up Wednesdays for Lent NEXT!
Today is named after Wodin except on the Continent where it's named after element no. 80.
That's something that softies write code in Not in The Netherlands - Woensdag is
And Wodin, you see
Is hanged to his knee
So for some poor sod trouble is Bodin'
Well tried on that last limerick
Let’s hope that it gives us a kick (Rosie probably wants to kick my butt so I’ll try to stay away for a while…)
For Thursday is here
Time for a beer!
But not so much that we are sick.
Not for the first time I'm here
On the plus side: look, Friday is near!
with a full weekend ahead
And black silk-sheets in my bed
Soon we'll put ourselves in first gear!
One Friday (quite soon) I think that I will
On leaving work, put my hand in the till
To finance my fun
While I go on the run
I'll never get caught if I bung the Old Bill!
Two days free, so what shall I do?
Visit Blackpool, or far Timbuktu?
Alas, I am skint
Please give me a hint
How rude! And the same to you too!
Foucault's Nietzschean Historiography
Is a bloddy good read when you're lonely
But for those who have friends
Well, we know how it ends
- in a maze of verbose sub-pornography
But Durkheim, of course, is much clearer
In claiming that orgasm's comes nearer (sorry, my French isn't that good, maybe he meant organs?)
Using specialist aids
And a system of grades
that suited that buttonned-up era.
My Grandfathers clock has got tics
Which explains his success rate with chlicks (cloat.ha ha)
It also has fleas
And arthritic knees
But its name is Captain Hicks.
The trouble with women in cars ,Not going anywhere you understand
Is really they’re driving like stars Alternative ending of last one: The reason it strike and not kicks!
In Venus-like fashion
A shame they keep crashin' tortuous final syllable pronunciation required
Into men driving back from their bars
She was finding it hard to deny it
'Cos she knew that her drivin' was shy-it
So she let actions speak
And drove up the creek
and flooded the engine and had to walk-it!
There once was a lim’rick molester,
Named Widey, whose arse ought to fester,
His lines would not scan,
He rhymed like my gran,
Whose dyslexic verse made all detest her
If ever you have to submit
Make sure that you’ve poof-read your wit
For there's little that's worse
Than to feel a bit hearse
And everyone else calls you sh... bad.
Obvious I know, but I swallowed my pride
“Dear Sir, I have never been kissed,”
Said the young matchstick-seller to Lizst
"Not a lot, my young sir"
Though my looks cause a stir
But my moustache makes most men resist
I know this sounds weird but it’s true
I keep a bright turquoise cuckoo
The first day of each spring
It endeavours to sing
The entire score from "Cat Ballou"
Andrew Lloyd Webber's a brilliant man
And he keeps as a pet, a scarlet toucan
Called "Beaklight Express"
It will always impress
Far more than his musical scores ever can.
Don't look at me! The scansion was f*cked anyway ...
:-)
:-)
:-)
Chalky - Today I shall swear with rude words
Such as "frumjittle yaxlifrous knurds!"
And this precedent
Will surely cement
my status 'mongst top foul-mouthed birds. Dreadful sorry, m'dear; couldn't resist it.
Insults are all part of the game
That line is so bad and too lame ;-)
So turn up the heat
Make y'r enemies bleat
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