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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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convinced them she was all heart.
Some clams, that were quite indiscreet,
Would swap naughty jokes about feet
The toes they'd call smelly
belonged to Grace Kelly
,And Ginger, in "Follow the Fleet".
I felt that I started to wilt
The moment I looked up his kilt Sorry, sorry, sorry. It had to be done.
Beneath, was a mob
And the gay pooftah Bob,
Who'd immersed it, right up to the hilt Coat!
That was worse than I ever feared it would be. Shame on you all.
It came to me, all in a flash
A new way to make mountains of cash
Now my pimp I will call, (simulposted:That Scots, underneath, has a ‘lash’)
He can shove it all
where the Customs men look for his stash. Ouch.
Oh, bugger. Forgot:

A trick you can do for your friends
Involves unbelievable bends
And if properly mastered, I'm gonna force one o' you into an expletive if if it's the last thing I do!
by someone not plastered, Zounds! He would provoke profanity, the boundah.
You never will know how it ends.
There once was a maiden in Ealing
So tall she could head-butt the ceiling.
And thus she would duck, Indeed, Rosie.
And make her back ruck
Till her spine had lost all sense of feeling. Non-obscene limerick achieved!
Each morning, at half past the hour,
I make pancakes from eggs, milk and flour
I give them a toss
thus causing their loss
And till noontime the floors shall i scour.
Well would you believe it, those French
Woke up while we slept on the bench
In just a minute
They managed to win it
But our thirst for revenge we will quench
Hopefully this tournament, not something pathetic like Olympic shooting or somesuch!
Alas two-one down but not out
Of Portugal yet; there's no doubt
As a Swede I am proud! 5-0 against Bulgaria!
But lets hope the crowd
Will behave lest we get flung out!
This "football" of which you all speak
Is to my ears, sad to, say, all Greek.
I know it involves fighting
Kicking butts and some biting
And is likely to go on all week.
A week of Des Lyneham's too much!
but better than soaps out of touch!
But still, we'll ban sport.
Instead we will cavort !
hello?
hi pat
And skip (in your bed?) Double Dutch
Last night as she went to her bed,
Jade Goody thought hard and then said:
"Now, I ain't usually frugal"
"But I sleep with Dougal"
"Whilst Hamish is locked in the shed"
"Insert Strap B into Slot C"
I did, with smiles and with glee
But Tab A fell apart
Now I must restart
From D and I’ll follow plan B.
She’ll sail in a while with the tide, all aboard?
Shipshape, and her crew: Watch their pride!
Its so painful to think
Of the fearful stink
As the crew throw up o'er the side
I must have a triple espresso!
Mocha, latte, frapachino
My caffine is low
(Macchiato to go)
And I’ll have a huge Curacao! http://www.curacaoliqueur.com/pages/recipes.htm
He said, “Well it’s Irish for me”,
As we seem to be hooked on coffee
and strong beer and fags
Are used by old hags
It helps the complexion, you see.
There once was an Angel in Hell, Heavens Devils?
Who calomine lotion did sell
For skin that is burning
, cryogenically yearning
For some sort of Freeze Spray as well.
It seems that all cars sport a flag
Or remains of an old washing rag
They've all got a red cross
But who gives a toss?
The ghost of General Braxton Bragg? Defeated by Grant in the battle of Chattanooga (1817-1876)
There once was a Cho in Chattanooga,
whose favourite confection was nougat. Steam engines can burn anything. :-)
It got all hot and sticky
And looked a little tricky
But it still ran as fast as a cougar.
It always rains for Wimbledon
So ladies keep your wimple on.
It's raining on Centre Court 1
Our great sporting summer's begun!
Still, the Roo did us proud
But screamed very loud
When he that Martina had won
When he HEARD that Martina had won?
There was a young fellow called Rooney
Whose ears were stuck on by a loony
His skull was quite hollow
So when he went to swallow
The head rush made him go quite swoony
Oh, finish my marmalade, please!
I now have a preference for peas
I eat them with honey
Which makes them taste funny Oblig. Sorry Mr Belloc
But don't shoot out my mouth if I sneeze Not oblig. Sorry everyone!
I shall die all alone in my bed
With a postage stamp stuck to my head
Waiting for the Holy Ghost :o)
Who I like the most
But I'll settle for St Peter instead. Backs away waving incense and making sign of the cross, etc, etc...
I’ve run out of my e-mailing stamps,
And who stole my cut-and-paste clamps?
And where's my click wand?
(of which I am fond)
. My Recycle Bin - raided by tramps!
Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear
My undies have washed o'er the weir
And now they've got tangled
in a device so new-fangled
that provides endless glasses of beer.
Tim has got through to the quarters
Will there be an opponent he slaughters? ...ever? Nope, do it the hard way please!
Perhaps it's Sir Cliff
(He with the quiff)
And a penchant for railway porters
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