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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Obviously there are as many opinions of what are correct (wittiest or most exact or what?) Limerick rhyme and meter as there are contributors to this marvellous site. Let’s all face this and let us continue to do our very best in our mutual efforts to have fun and to, eventually, create the most perfect Limerick that has ever been seen!
There once was a party in Lerwick
Where things started go quite hysteric
I threw a full glass
It hit some bird's arse
All night then her bottom I’d to lick
Sorry to interrupt your harsh mood but anyway…
...my humble effort to give the 'Lerwick'-one a happy ending is way out of tune!
Let him without wit cast first line, http://www.ajokes.com/jokes/845.html
The lack of wit can be a sign Let's not descend into more scansion wars. The way I see it is, if you're getting annoyed by one game, then just play another instead. That's what I do these days.
of mind now far gone
With a nice butter'd scone ;-) - I'm on the fence about this one. Scansion wars definitely suck, but although there are a lot of opinions about what makes a good limerick, that doesn't mean there is no convergence, and that all conventions can safely be ignored. IMO, a good limerick is a successful interplay between form, coherence and humour - it's not necessary for all to be perfect and sometimes the one or the other takes precedence, but if all three are weak, why bother? And while it's true players can just look the other way for a while if the quality descends below their personal threshold, sometimes that means witty people don't bother to post any more and the enjoyment of the whole community can degrade a bit.
Definitely with Porojoy on this one, as I've often found myself substituting a less witty line for one that remotely scans, or even (horrors!) moving on without posting, which some seem loathe to do. Oh, and Rosie's point on "Spotty Herberts" is superb!
But the nurses all say I'll be fine
The courage to lurk and not post
Is managed quite swift by the most ...the cowards who lurk....?
Disgusting of beasts
(namely Jesuit priests) [Rosie] 'chatroom for spotty herberts' Love it :-)
who fear naught but the Holy Ghost. (Chalky, Tuj) You're very kind. I had thought the term might date me, but it seems to live on. :-)
There once was a world with no oil
No more could farmers till their soil Hi all! You've been very busy this weekend!
With tractors but horses
Applied all their forces
To replace it with all day long toil.
Tomorrow's the Transit of Venus
To miss it would really be heinous
From where I am standing
I can see the branding
A good tan I'll get as a bonus
There once was a girl with no luck
Although she was not short of pluck almost oblig
So she'd stand on the street Where will this lead...?
and the men she did meet
Would find themselves short of a buck.
I'm pressing the button marked "Panic"
Because the last verse was Satanic
They've issued a fatwa
I'll be boiled in a vat. Waah! Not easy, that, Raak.
[Rosie] Poetic necessity, I'm afraid.
Oh, Heavens! It's made me quite manic.
I once knew a lady from China. Help yerselves.
In swearing she trained her Hill Myna
This most vocal bird
Could quote Richard the Third
I've not seen a rendition finer.
Having partaken of a wee tipple. Yep, it's the same ploy as before.
an event that makes barely a ripple So you tell me. :-)
I like to find girls
With cute little curls Really!
Then try to get hold of a free nipple. …shame on you Darren!
There once was a girl, oh so daring!
With dresses much flesh she was baring
Her gossamer thong
To put on, took too long
so certain parts got a good airing.
At school I was most fond of Rugger Yep, still employing the same shameless tactic I'm afraid.
I earnt the nickname of "Tugger" [Thrax] Oh yes indeed!
When deep in the scrum
I'd never be glum
With my nose in the arse of ‘Fart Slugger”.
There once was a snobbish old fart
Who married a stuck-up young tart
But at the reception
her clever deception
convinced them she was all heart.
Some clams, that were quite indiscreet,
Would swap naughty jokes about feet
The toes they'd call smelly
belonged to Grace Kelly
,And Ginger, in "Follow the Fleet".
I felt that I started to wilt
The moment I looked up his kilt Sorry, sorry, sorry. It had to be done.
Beneath, was a mob
And the gay pooftah Bob,
Who'd immersed it, right up to the hilt Coat!
That was worse than I ever feared it would be. Shame on you all.
It came to me, all in a flash
A new way to make mountains of cash
Now my pimp I will call, (simulposted:That Scots, underneath, has a ‘lash’)
He can shove it all
where the Customs men look for his stash. Ouch.
Oh, bugger. Forgot:

A trick you can do for your friends
Involves unbelievable bends
And if properly mastered, I'm gonna force one o' you into an expletive if if it's the last thing I do!
by someone not plastered, Zounds! He would provoke profanity, the boundah.
You never will know how it ends.
There once was a maiden in Ealing
So tall she could head-butt the ceiling.
And thus she would duck, Indeed, Rosie.
And make her back ruck
Till her spine had lost all sense of feeling. Non-obscene limerick achieved!
Each morning, at half past the hour,
I make pancakes from eggs, milk and flour
I give them a toss
thus causing their loss
And till noontime the floors shall i scour.
Well would you believe it, those French
Woke up while we slept on the bench
In just a minute
They managed to win it
But our thirst for revenge we will quench
Hopefully this tournament, not something pathetic like Olympic shooting or somesuch!
Alas two-one down but not out
Of Portugal yet; there's no doubt
As a Swede I am proud! 5-0 against Bulgaria!
But lets hope the crowd
Will behave lest we get flung out!
This "football" of which you all speak
Is to my ears, sad to, say, all Greek.
I know it involves fighting
Kicking butts and some biting
And is likely to go on all week.
A week of Des Lyneham's too much!
but better than soaps out of touch!
But still, we'll ban sport.
Instead we will cavort !
hello?
hi pat
And skip (in your bed?) Double Dutch
Last night as she went to her bed,
Jade Goody thought hard and then said:
"Now, I ain't usually frugal"
"But I sleep with Dougal"
"Whilst Hamish is locked in the shed"
"Insert Strap B into Slot C"
I did, with smiles and with glee
But Tab A fell apart
Now I must restart
From D and I’ll follow plan B.
She’ll sail in a while with the tide, all aboard?
Shipshape, and her crew: Watch their pride!
Its so painful to think
Of the fearful stink
As the crew throw up o'er the side
I must have a triple espresso!
Mocha, latte, frapachino
My caffine is low
(Macchiato to go)
And I’ll have a huge Curacao! http://www.curacaoliqueur.com/pages/recipes.htm
He said, “Well it’s Irish for me”,
As we seem to be hooked on coffee
and strong beer and fags
Are used by old hags
It helps the complexion, you see.
There once was an Angel in Hell, Heavens Devils?
Who calomine lotion did sell
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