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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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There once was a man with a big
- I'm sorry! I meant to say brig -
that's a goal, to the wise Jail, Goal, Brig, Prison.
First he lives – then he dies(?) ...my summerhouse is called The Brig cause once there lived an old inmate...
My Brig has a two-masted rig. ...how did we navigate to arrive here…?
He sailed ‘round the world with no stop,
in a boat, he bought from a shop?????
However, a leak [widey] Bold text please
And a worrying squeak
Meant the trip, on the whole, was a flop.
Keep it simple, it seems to work well
Said a greybeard who lived in a dell
Just like me and my goat
We’re not rocking the boat
But we're making a terrible smell
The words of this terrible song
Are meaningless, dire, just wrong
If only Jonathon King
The words of this terrible song
Are meaningless, dire, and just wrong
If Jonathon King
carry on...
Had played less with the thing I'm safe saying this with so many police about, eh?
He’d written for leather and thong.
The words of this terrible song
Are meaningless, dire, and wrong
And if Jonathan King
Had played less with his thing
He’d finished it not before long
There once was a Lim’rick Police
Who gave orders to sist and decease
But he came unstuck
His apostrophe
damn - simulpost. After you Darren...
…when hit by a ----(wrooom)--Truck---->
[KH - you were also hit I guess ?]
And the correction brings no real relief.
A frenchman, by name Apostrophe
Had daughters called Fifi and Sophie - assuming he was meant to be "Apostrophe"
Really charming damsels
Loved to kiss their dick-cissels
A sparrow-like bird (Spiza Americana) native to southern Ontario
And a chap by the name of Annan, Kofi
A line of the times
That last one didn't quite work :-) - never mind, tomorrow's another day ...

If questioned, I don't give a damn

What the menu says; just give me spam!
and eggs with fries
and what six fifty buys
Including one pint and a giant Dram. (... Cheers all!)
It seemed as he’d slept in his suite,
He sure wasn't tidy or neat [Marc - did you mean 'suit' I wonder?]
...sure KH, it was that huge Dram causing my keyboard to slip... sorry ;-)
...then maybe you would like to rhyme otherwise?
It seemed as he’d slept in his suit
He sure wasn't tidy nor cute
But somehow he charmed
All those that he harmed
With a whack from his oversized feet / With a jig on his badly tuned flute
P.S. antiknees is ashamed of his unemboldened text. he blames ignorance.
Antiknees is forgiven...
...this time
"Look here" he said, with a grin
as he flashed at the girl in the gym
His camera was bright [antiknees] For help with your bold quest, look here: http://mustela.phyast.pitt.edu/basichtml.html
It's love at first sight
Please watch how I’ve trained my fifth Limb! …he took the next flight to Berlin…?
One night as she played her Violin
Something went "twang" deep within
"It's my G-string!" she thought loadsa rhymes 'ere... take your pick!
"The one I just bought"
"From that flea market back in Berlin."
She was bored, so moved up to a harp
Cause her chin had been formed kind of sharp(...by squeezing the fiddle)
The harp cut it flat
forming a gap!
The blood sounded 'Splat'; And she gasped her new gap like a carp.
There once was a party in Lerwick
With whiskey, beer and grilled Slippery Dick
DAMMIT. Why can't people come up with things that even *approximately* rhyme and scan? I seem to remember that "Lerwick" rhymes with words like "Eric" and "hysteric", not to mention place names like "Berwick". "Slippery Dick" is never going to be a rhyme, not even if you put the stress completely wrongly on the "er" of "slippery".

Sorry about the rant, but I just also read the truly terrible ending by one or two Wideys to the previous one, in which again all scansion, rhyme and sense were completely lost... You can get away with perhaps mildly stretching *one* of rhyme, scansion, sense and stresses on the correct syllable of the word, but not more than that - for instance, you can't ask for the stress on the completely wrong syllable of "slippery" to make a rhyme *and* interpolate an extra syllable into the rhyme (an "-erick" sound with an "-eridick") at the same time, especially not while already having to stress the completely wrong word earlier in the line (in this case the "and"). It just doesn't make sense. Not only is Willie Rushton swirling in his urn, the rest of the ISIHAC team would be doing the same or turning in their graves if they were in fact dead.

Rant ends.

Fiddler - There once was a party in Lerwick and let's try again properly this time...
Where I started to go quite hysteric adding a second line that actually works...
I threw a full glass
erm, I hate to break in here, especially since I completely agree with JLE, but Lerwick is pronounced Ler-wik, not Lerrik. Sorry and all that.
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