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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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If I'd known, I would not have lain on her
And bumped up and down (very highbrow!)
And spun round and round
It was later I knew t'was Madonna
It's a 'rollover' weekend again
And so I shall be stripping for men
And then let them grope
In the misguided hope
*with a great effort of will, resists temptation to post line ending in "pen"*
That their fumblings'll score ten out of ten. [CdM - am assuming that the above isn't line 5]
The outcome is certain, that's true [CdM] You're too kind :o)
A bed made especially for two Ooer, missus
With a whip and a rope I'm in a funny mood..;)
Plus some carbolic soap [snorgle :-)]
And a drop of the best superglue.
If you wear a hat, you should know
That it brings you nothing but woe
For when the wind blows
From your head off it throws
Thereby leaving your bald patch on show.
Whilst driving a red Kia Pride
I found a dead body inside
It stank to high heaven
So I drove down to Devon
Where 'twas easier than Oxford to hide.
I do hope that I am not overstepping the line
Oh no! I've done it again!
I've been caught 'below decks' with a WReN
She gave her consent
When our passion was spent
To reveal all I knew to the men.
In an effort to be more appealing
I have plastered myself to the ceiling
From this lofty abode
O'er the family Spode
I would welcome a cup of darjeeling [very Lewis Carroll]
All above - muddy rarvellous!
A mishap while I hoovered the floor
Caused the hoover to suck up the door
The windows and walls
and even my smalls
not to mention my Greenwing Macaw
It's rainy and windy and wet well in Cardiff, anyway, and I'm going to damn well make you all suffer as well!
No respite from that curry, as yet Terrible thing, IBS...
I can still smell the sauce
'Cos I'm farting in Morse sorry people - Uncle K's fault :-)
So best dash, Dot, in case it should set
They say that it's rude to stare
But I really don't care
Also, I smell
Like the cesspits of Hell
'Cause I bathed in yak's milk for a dare [Darren - that's your second smelly third line!]
I suffer from awful BO
You'll smell it wherever I go [That's my third!]
My pox scabs are rotting [Darren - shame - I was feeding you a third line and we simulposted]
And my groin is hotting [Hint: up]
up by the hour, it's gonna blow!! [rab - hint taken, v subtly done :-)]
I cannot believe it's not butter
is not easy to say with a stutter
So I'll spread it with jam
Or bake it with ham
Or beat it at golf with a putter.
I appear to be missing a ball
Said Adolph Hitler, to us all
I'll take one of Goering's
Cute spherical nose-rings
And clip it to Eva Braun's shawl.
I don't like the way that it sounds
When love-making strays out of bounds
And I'm in the next room
On top of a broom
But at least for divorce I have grounds
I'm a hundred and twenty today!
So unless I drop dead
Oh dear - taking rudeness to faint new depths...*Don't I deserve head?*
Before I waste slowly away [Don't be coy, pen - I'm sure we were all thinking the same :-)]
Nothing wrong with a bit of bawdiness.
That's not a limerick line, btw
Now bawdiness just ain't my style lies, lies and more lies ;o)
We'll leave that to Chalky and Kayl
They prefer, so it's said,
To say this instead:
"I love how you shunt as I strile" (Have I had Kayl's pronounciation wrong all this time - i took it to rhyme with shale...? No criticism intended, just curious!)
[blamelewis] I was never too sure, myself, but decided that Kayl is the only MC player I could think of whose name might rhyme, so I used a bit of limeretic licence. And are you telling me your name isn't pronounced bla-melloo-iss?

It's high time that I wrote a first line

You did a good job - that one's fine!
The next one is bad
The fourth one is trad
And this last? Just call it asinine!
Today I must trim all my warts
So I can look good in my shorts
The one on my heel
Is starting to feel
Like the ball from a basketball court.
I come back to England tonight Really! First lot of Fish n' Chips for 4 months! Can't wait!
Proving that I'm not that bright
What's more, I will wear
The pelt of a bear
And thus be a nightmarish sight Sorry to do 3rd and 5th, but this one had lain around for far too long
just an observation - limericks that begin with an 'actual' first-person experience are always tricky to follow . . .
Whenever the clock chimes, I wonder
Which cities I'll ravish and plunder
For at 12.59,
I think its the time,
To steal, pillage and wrent asunder
It's a hundred degrees in the shade
And commuters' tempers are frayed
For instant relief
Penelope Keith
Is free, in the Penny arcade.
When Valéry Giscard d'Estaing
Goes out to buy six petits pains
There's not enough argent
To feed him and his sergeant Pronunciation? What's that then?
Aujourdhui et demain au matin.
My legs have just melted away
With my third hit of acid today
A purple giraffe
Has invaded my gaff
Which I wasn't expecting 'til May
I've married my step-son's third cousin
Tongues are wagging nineteen to the dozen
The consanguintee
(See the family tree)
Did not vote for Anders Fogh Rasmussen
(That's the prime minister of Denmark, as you know.)
If Ricky had've lost that number . . . bbcR2 playing here
We'd be up to our ears in old lumber
But Ricky is just
Earning a crust
Aboard that knackered old boat on the Humber . . . thought I'd administer a swift but humane killing. Ricky obviously didn't capture imaginations. Moving swiftly on . . .
Emblazoned across the wall
Are the words, "This is nothing at all"
"There is nothing to see"
"If you don't pay a fee"
But fork out and the sight will appall
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