arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
The Obligatory Limericks Game
help
When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
arrow_circle_up
not to mention my Greenwing Macaw
It's rainy and windy and wet well in Cardiff, anyway, and I'm going to damn well make you all suffer as well!
No respite from that curry, as yet Terrible thing, IBS...
I can still smell the sauce
'Cos I'm farting in Morse sorry people - Uncle K's fault :-)
So best dash, Dot, in case it should set
They say that it's rude to stare
But I really don't care
Also, I smell
Like the cesspits of Hell
'Cause I bathed in yak's milk for a dare [Darren - that's your second smelly third line!]
I suffer from awful BO
You'll smell it wherever I go [That's my third!]
My pox scabs are rotting [Darren - shame - I was feeding you a third line and we simulposted]
And my groin is hotting [Hint: up]
up by the hour, it's gonna blow!! [rab - hint taken, v subtly done :-)]
I cannot believe it's not butter
is not easy to say with a stutter
So I'll spread it with jam
Or bake it with ham
Or beat it at golf with a putter.
I appear to be missing a ball
Said Adolph Hitler, to us all
I'll take one of Goering's
Cute spherical nose-rings
And clip it to Eva Braun's shawl.
I don't like the way that it sounds
When love-making strays out of bounds
And I'm in the next room
On top of a broom
But at least for divorce I have grounds
I'm a hundred and twenty today!
So unless I drop dead
Oh dear - taking rudeness to faint new depths...*Don't I deserve head?*
Before I waste slowly away [Don't be coy, pen - I'm sure we were all thinking the same :-)]
Nothing wrong with a bit of bawdiness.
That's not a limerick line, btw
Now bawdiness just ain't my style lies, lies and more lies ;o)
We'll leave that to Chalky and Kayl
They prefer, so it's said,
To say this instead:
"I love how you shunt as I strile" (Have I had Kayl's pronounciation wrong all this time - i took it to rhyme with shale...? No criticism intended, just curious!)
[blamelewis] I was never too sure, myself, but decided that Kayl is the only MC player I could think of whose name might rhyme, so I used a bit of limeretic licence. And are you telling me your name isn't pronounced bla-melloo-iss?

It's high time that I wrote a first line

You did a good job - that one's fine!
The next one is bad
The fourth one is trad
And this last? Just call it asinine!
Today I must trim all my warts
So I can look good in my shorts
The one on my heel
Is starting to feel
Like the ball from a basketball court.
I come back to England tonight Really! First lot of Fish n' Chips for 4 months! Can't wait!
Proving that I'm not that bright
What's more, I will wear
The pelt of a bear
And thus be a nightmarish sight Sorry to do 3rd and 5th, but this one had lain around for far too long
just an observation - limericks that begin with an 'actual' first-person experience are always tricky to follow . . .
Whenever the clock chimes, I wonder
Which cities I'll ravish and plunder
For at 12.59,
I think its the time,
To steal, pillage and wrent asunder
It's a hundred degrees in the shade
And commuters' tempers are frayed
For instant relief
Penelope Keith
Is free, in the Penny arcade.
When Valéry Giscard d'Estaing
Goes out to buy six petits pains
There's not enough argent
To feed him and his sergeant Pronunciation? What's that then?
Aujourdhui et demain au matin.
My legs have just melted away
With my third hit of acid today
A purple giraffe
Has invaded my gaff
Which I wasn't expecting 'til May
I've married my step-son's third cousin
Tongues are wagging nineteen to the dozen
The consanguintee
(See the family tree)
Did not vote for Anders Fogh Rasmussen
(That's the prime minister of Denmark, as you know.)
If Ricky had've lost that number . . . bbcR2 playing here
We'd be up to our ears in old lumber
But Ricky is just
Earning a crust
Aboard that knackered old boat on the Humber . . . thought I'd administer a swift but humane killing. Ricky obviously didn't capture imaginations. Moving swiftly on . . .
Emblazoned across the wall
Are the words, "This is nothing at all"
"There is nothing to see"
"If you don't pay a fee"
But fork out and the sight will appall
Nasturtiums are an edible bloom lovely in salads!
Which are currently enjoying a boom
But pansies, they say
Will make you turn gay This is one of those oblig ones, isn't it
And a tulip's a portent of doom.
A great metropolitan man
Alighted the train at East Ham
He walked several miles
Towards Chalfont St Giles
And declared Mrs Trellis a sham
I'm not taking prisoners today
I will eat all who get in my way
"Any chance of a fork?"
I asked of a dork
Then I tucked into him straight-away!
When exposing a snake in the grass
Be careful you act with some class
Otherwise, keep it schtum
By inserting your thumb
And heading it off at the pass
It's painful to make the admission
That your power is from nuclear fission
But it's safer than coal
But on the whole
just leave it to your electrician
Garden sparrows, wrens, finches and tits
Can all be assembled from kits
Using small bits of wire
And an old rubber tyre
And a car engine, taken to bits.
The beauty of avian construction
Is the match of its form to its function
You must get this right
For the things to take flight
Lest they plummet on down to destruction.
The terrible thing about crows
Is that I've got three stuck up my nose
They peck at my eyes
Unbutton my flies
and crap all over my toes
My budgie looks terribly strange
I think it's got some sort of mange
It's purple and green
It's lost all its sheen
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord