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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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The longer they get [pen] To be fair, I read your opener about 12 times and couldn't get it to fit what I consider a limerick pattern. But as CdM says, we don't want to go down the road of another scansion war (see the York archives for what happens when things get really ugly).
The less well they vet
And it all gets too ugly to mantion </scansion war> <pararhyme war> ...
If you find yourself short of a rhyme
Or your syllables all out of time
Don't panic - just doodle
Or suck on a noodle
Or large Gin with tonic and lime
Hurrah!

When pen's full of derring and do

s'funny, smells more like some poo. sorry Pen...
No, in better light.. unfinished sentence alert
the resemblance to shite
Is this lim'rick. Now what shall we do?
I once had a haddock called frank
That I'd use to give children a spank
The fish didn't mind
Hitting a behind Yes, the maroon windbreaker. Thankye.
cause he laughs all the way to the bank.
"Stop thief!" came the cry from the bank
said the man who was driving a tank
Quite why he should yell
well, no-one could tell
but I suppose we've New Labour to thank
Jonny Ball's a strange man on TV UK TV that is... I first remember him on Playschool.
He said "Think of a number!" to me I always enjoyed his programmes!
In refusing his game I wanted the car off choc-a-block
I was only to blame Johnny Ball is a great man, and it is a tribute to him and to the dire state of contemporary children's TV that he would never make it today, on account of being over 12.
For the subsequent puddle of wee
It doesn't take a genius, you know
to be able to write in the snow continuing the theme
but calligraphy
Whilst having a pee oblig, really.
May result in a word overflow
That President Bush is so smart!
He gave Saddam Hussein quite a LART! LART = Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool, e.g. a sledgehammer.
but Saddam's disappeared,
behind a big beard
And Osama Bin Laden's a tart lame, I know. *shrug*
I'm so sorry, the news isn't good
But we did everything that we could
The defibrilator
was unable to cater
For a heart that was made out of wood
A ride on the night bus to Romford
Is a journey devoid of all comford [Yeah? Yeah? Wanna make something of it?]
You part with your fare
travel as far as you dare
Then leap off and dash home just like Tom would [well - that's what HE told me and I have no reason to doubt him]
On moving to Nik's shiny server
We could scarcely contain our great fervour
Our bookmarks are updated
Download time truncated
We're finally off that Bluecurve-r.
D'oh! Forgot the bold!
DrQu+xum is a forgetful chap
That's why he suffered this mishap:
He left out a tag
But tags aren't my bag (qua pantsmc)
He'll get it right next time, mayhap.
Ignore not the rules of scansion
Whether trochees, iambs or dipthong
When being quiet anal
When being quite anal obviously, although quiet anal possibly deserves some examination as a concept
Complaints are morainal (OK, I used Rhymezone to find that one.)
So fill out your lines with aplomb.
A game of Celebrity Shares
Will attract the bulls and the bears
The trading is brisk [a gift of a rhyming opportunity]
But better not risk
All your assets. (But frankly - who cares?)
While walking to work in the rain
I danced as I felt quite insane
[Bifurcating]I felt like Gene Kelly/I jumped in a puddle
(as opposed to George Melly) / found a stranger to cuddle
And sang out THAT well-known refrain / Then suggested acts base and profane [oo-er]
The day you install a new bath
Should be marked by drinking a swift half,
But - beer or bathwater?
Should I drink? Well I oughtta - weren't expecting that eh?
Before I go down the bath path
To make the best beef and veg. stew,
First kill your cow. Then take two
Bushels of sweet potatoes
Fry them on a hotplate, close
The oven, wait, serve, spear and chew - I like the creative scansion going on here!
I once met a young plain-clothes nun
Disguised as Attila The Hun
Yet I (to my shame)
Thought she was on the game
Now Attila the Nun's on the run!
I got caught out today in the rain
With an outcome of very great pain
I was poked in the eye
And was told "Get me dry!"
By the great and irate Michael Caine
I wonder where porcupines sleep?
On cliffs? In a cave? In the deep?
Laying still and supine
(All their quills must align)
Else the prickles will tickle their feet.
Be careful when you knock on doors
Especially in the Azores
You just never know
You'll find on the loo
P'raps Andrea or Jim from The Corrs... some well dodgy rhyming going on there!
Do the light bulbs need changing in here?
Who'll do it? And what's their career?
The task is quite tricky
The end might be sticky
Let's just put it off till next year.
Awww... and I thought someone would pick up on my feed line re: How many (people of a particular walk of life) does it take to change a lightbulb?
Uncle Korky is feeling let down [mea culpa]
And Chalky a bit of a clown
Our lim'ricks lack wit
Our rhyming is crap
So it's good that our scansion is sound
Penance complete! Further self-flagellation not required! :-)
Take a deep breath, and let yourself go
down to London on a very slow
train, that breaks down
In a Devonshire town
Just south of Westward Ho
Now, not wishing to come over all Westcountry on you... I believe Mr Ho is in Somerset, not Devon...
Not that that need preclude somewhere lying just south of that. And in any case if moi geographee be nart in the roight koinda areahh, there's definartlee one ah them thassavam exclumashion markie jarbies afer 'Ho'. Oh God I wish I hadn't grown up in Carrrnwalll...
Westward Ho! is indeed in North Devon. The main failing in the above the the absence of a railway line in the area Ho! Hum!
Calamity! Apologies for the drunken outpourings. That'll learn me.
Let's draw the line under that then :-)
Geographical know-how is fine [but....]
But where would you all like to dine?
I know a good spot
Where it won't cost a lot
Though I hope you enjoy drinking brine
I got lost on my way in to work
My boss will think I'm on the shirk
But my caravanette
Is slippy and wet
I went tits-up and felt a right berk
That evening, I felt a right tit
It was soft, warm and round, though a bit
droopy, although
I would like to know
Which girl was the owner of it.
Some men have remarkable breasts [hmmm . . must be open season on lewd sauciness - PantsMC is similarly obsessed. I blame Darren]
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