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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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That's for a friend, it's salad for me
I'll have it with spam
Washed down with a dram
Of battery acid or three
In case of emergency, you should
Supply us with cold Yorkshire Pud
A pint of warm ale,
Which we slowly inhale
Though we know it won't so any good

ack! *do* any good... not "so"...

I can spell but my proofreading sucks (drawing inspiration from ineptitude...)
Eggs like a grandmother clucks
Disapprovingly when
are you coming? At ten?
Those white-coated in their trucks.

I remember the very first time
Apologies - previous last line should read "Those white-coated men in their trucks" so much for proof-reading.
Start again
I remember the very first time
I wrote my first limerick line
It began with a word
Writer's block then occurred
A writer cried as he ran past
"The monster that follows is vast"
"So pick up your pen"
"And let me know when"
"It has finished its morning repast"
There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said not 'Good-day' but 'Adieu'
For she went 'fore she came *parka please*
She was never the same
And I wouldn't like that - would you?
The first day of summer is here
And it's made my petunias go queer!
They're drooping right over
My four-leaféd clover
Though I watered them with the best beer
I've been stuck in the office all day
With a pitchfork, a horse and some hay
The resulting output *sidling towards coat rack*
Means there's something afoot...
The Amish have joined the twins Kray.
Whenever I go to the shops
Dow Jones rises but our FTSE drops
One Euro is worth
A fortnight in Perth (Scotland or Australia - you choose...)
Or a ticket to Top of the Pops
The kroner, peseta and lira
Are no use on a trip to Madeira
Not even escudos
(Though they may earn you kudos)
Will buy you a few pints of beer
Enumerative Combinatorics
Read at night, with a big mug of Horlicks,
Is the very best thing
To get back in the swing
And to make you all true alcoholics
A hairy young Vicar from Perth
Should be given a very wide berth
Lest his big hirsute mits
Which are cold - he admits
Be employed to assist giving birth
Again unemployment is down
Since everyone's becoming a clown
simulposted - spooky! for I have a new job as a clown
I perform in the House
Where often I douse unfinished sentence alert..
My wife, when she's in her best gown
I wish I could be a buffoon
And dance by the light of the moon
I would prance like an elf
Casting spells at myself
And play Mahler on the bassoon
A wonderful sight to behold
Is rab (or so I am told)
But snorgle, however
(when clad all in leather)
Makes poor Uncle Korky feel old I'm just asking for trouble, aren't I?
[snorgle] Sounds like I owe your source a fiver.

It seems pen's asking for trouble

As I'm not quite as old as my double
aside [rab] Can't bring yourself to write pen is on your own site to make it scan, eh? Why on earth not? ;o)
But the double I've seen is
[pen] Um... I was drinking a cup of tea at the time, which threw my scansion into disarray. Obviously.
Now on The Tweenies invoking dubious rhyme
And now my double is double bubble
Whilst walking one day in Bangkok
I happened upon Doctor Spock -- Keeping it clean; well, so far. :-)
I asked his advice
About pubic lice Sorry, Dujon, couldn't resist
And then "Got the time on ya, cock?"
Eurovision's come round again!
So let's have a big hand for Spain
'Cos they know how to dance
So much better than France
And list'ning to Norway's a strain
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