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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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It began with a word
Writer's block then occurred
A writer cried as he ran past
"The monster that follows is vast"
"So pick up your pen"
"And let me know when"
"It has finished its morning repast"
There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said not 'Good-day' but 'Adieu'
For she went 'fore she came *parka please*
She was never the same
And I wouldn't like that - would you?
The first day of summer is here
And it's made my petunias go queer!
They're drooping right over
My four-leaféd clover
Though I watered them with the best beer
I've been stuck in the office all day
With a pitchfork, a horse and some hay
The resulting output *sidling towards coat rack*
Means there's something afoot...
The Amish have joined the twins Kray.
Whenever I go to the shops
Dow Jones rises but our FTSE drops
One Euro is worth
A fortnight in Perth (Scotland or Australia - you choose...)
Or a ticket to Top of the Pops
The kroner, peseta and lira
Are no use on a trip to Madeira
Not even escudos
(Though they may earn you kudos)
Will buy you a few pints of beer
Enumerative Combinatorics
Read at night, with a big mug of Horlicks,
Is the very best thing
To get back in the swing
And to make you all true alcoholics
A hairy young Vicar from Perth
Should be given a very wide berth
Lest his big hirsute mits
Which are cold - he admits
Be employed to assist giving birth
Again unemployment is down
Since everyone's becoming a clown
simulposted - spooky! for I have a new job as a clown
I perform in the House
Where often I douse unfinished sentence alert..
My wife, when she's in her best gown
I wish I could be a buffoon
And dance by the light of the moon
I would prance like an elf
Casting spells at myself
And play Mahler on the bassoon
A wonderful sight to behold
Is rab (or so I am told)
But snorgle, however
(when clad all in leather)
Makes poor Uncle Korky feel old I'm just asking for trouble, aren't I?
[snorgle] Sounds like I owe your source a fiver.

It seems pen's asking for trouble

As I'm not quite as old as my double
aside [rab] Can't bring yourself to write pen is on your own site to make it scan, eh? Why on earth not? ;o)
But the double I've seen is
[pen] Um... I was drinking a cup of tea at the time, which threw my scansion into disarray. Obviously.
Now on The Tweenies invoking dubious rhyme
And now my double is double bubble
Whilst walking one day in Bangkok
I happened upon Doctor Spock -- Keeping it clean; well, so far. :-)
I asked his advice
About pubic lice Sorry, Dujon, couldn't resist
And then "Got the time on ya, cock?"
Eurovision's come round again!
So let's have a big hand for Spain
'Cos they know how to dance
So much better than France
And list'ning to Norway's a strain
And talking of strain:
My diet is lacking in fibre a nice easy rhyme...
My innards now flow like the Tigre
It's not at all funny
Why can't it be runny?
And it's really not fun for my wiper. [I'm the Prince of Wales y'know]
I'm in dire need of good advice!
About the cost of herb and spice
For I make pot pourri
And I brew it like tea.
Does it work to eradicate lice?
Tonight, in the Big Brother House
There will be an arrogant louse
Who claims to know
That Anouska will go
OK, make that That Scott will soon go (who is from Liverpool)
But will he talk or is he a mouse.
sorry forgot a line.
Is it fair to talk of mice and men?
D'no. Good question Pen'.
Why not speak of blatant floozies?
Or of Tommy guns and Uzis
Or of when we'll have lim'ricks again sorry, sorry -- I'm not usually a CAMREL activist ... but we are setting new records here. I don't think any of those lines scans appropriately for a limerick.
In the quest for new methods of scansion
< Mode= Huff >Oi, Oi, Oi!!! My line goes thus
Is it fair to talk of mice and men... and I really don't see a problem with that or with any of the other lines.
OTH, you are entitled to your opinion, but in your haste to make a point, you have chosen a line in which you have had to delete a syllable to make it scan. Perhaps you can now start us off on a suitable new scheme? ;o) < / Huff>
We now return to our regular schedule... sorry to interrupt Uncle K, but I was simulposted.
[pen] I really don't want to start another scansion war; god knows we have had enough of these. And I agree (and almost said, and should have said) that your line was ok except for the peculiar stress on a preposition. (Maybe you meant to set a limerick in which we would contrast talking of mice and men with talking to them? :-) ) But the other lines ... I'm sorry, but even with a lot of squeezing and twisting, they really can't be made to work. And, yes, I deleted a syllable. So what?
Each line becomes prone to expansion
The longer they get [pen] To be fair, I read your opener about 12 times and couldn't get it to fit what I consider a limerick pattern. But as CdM says, we don't want to go down the road of another scansion war (see the York archives for what happens when things get really ugly).
The less well they vet
And it all gets too ugly to mantion </scansion war> <pararhyme war> ...
If you find yourself short of a rhyme
Or your syllables all out of time
Don't panic - just doodle
Or suck on a noodle
Or large Gin with tonic and lime
Hurrah!

When pen's full of derring and do

s'funny, smells more like some poo. sorry Pen...
No, in better light.. unfinished sentence alert
the resemblance to shite
Is this lim'rick. Now what shall we do?
I once had a haddock called frank
That I'd use to give children a spank
The fish didn't mind
Hitting a behind Yes, the maroon windbreaker. Thankye.
cause he laughs all the way to the bank.
"Stop thief!" came the cry from the bank
said the man who was driving a tank
Quite why he should yell
well, no-one could tell
but I suppose we've New Labour to thank
Jonny Ball's a strange man on TV UK TV that is... I first remember him on Playschool.
He said "Think of a number!" to me I always enjoyed his programmes!
In refusing his game I wanted the car off choc-a-block
I was only to blame Johnny Ball is a great man, and it is a tribute to him and to the dire state of contemporary children's TV that he would never make it today, on account of being over 12.
For the subsequent puddle of wee
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