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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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So when you cross the street
Don't look at your feet
Just do it all with style e con brio.
“I can’t dance but I’m yours!” she said,
"But you'll find that I'm alright in bed"
So under the duvet
We play games that two play taking the male voice for this line
She came first past the post by a head.
disgraceful!
It's time for a nice cup of soup
Because everything else I throw up (Northern accent declared)
…unless whiskey you add… (any accent possible)
...then you won't feel so bad (RP invoked)
Though it may cause a case of the droop.
"The game," Sherlock said, "is afoot!"
"Let's follow these footprints of soot!" (It could happen)
My dear Watson, however,
Not nearly so clever
Quite ugly, and bald as a coot
There's a bloke that works in our office
Who says he's the author of Sophos (the virus)
He is bald but not bold
and frankly looks old
But his code's not as vile as his cough is.
Standing naked, on hill, with eyes closed
Is not as much fun as supposed
It gets rather chilly
Around the old willy ... Yeah, I know - coat!
Not mentioning things unexposed....
She couldn’t resist what she saw,
The (shining) gold-tooth in his upper jaw,
The stainless steel hand
his wooden leg and..
.. his triumph in the Lotto™ draw.
his hardwood dick without any flaw.alternative ending and line 4: one banger, tin canned?
[Marc] are we supposed to applaud your lines 2, 4 & 5? :-)
[Chalky] no, they are submitted just as examples of lines that should be banned from a serious site like this and any mature person writing such should be ashamed! ;-)
There are times when it’s nice to be mean,
Mr Average, Joe Cool, Mr Clean
are all personal friends
And we follow the trends
Kicking ass, giving bruises bluish green. do you mean 'mean' or just 'mean'?
Now soon it is time for the Harley,
Said my friend, dear old, old Jacob Marley, indirect statement sloppily invoked
He first got a TATTOO
His Hells Angels membership came through
So he downed a brewed barrel of barley. [plump] Don't let Penelope see that line...
There once was a Jackalope hunter,
There once was a Jackalope hunter,
Who took on a post as a punter. Argh! No pun intended!
He punted his boat
To an island remote
And hoisted a wild Jackass Gunter
Some sailors get wet when they're sailing,
Some whalers get wet when they're whaling
But me and my crew
Get seasick, and we spew
And don't bother to lean o'er the railing
That last one made me laugh out loud
And banished my gloomy black cloud ... me too :-)
So rejoice and be merry
And toast it with perry
For being so comicly endowed†
My spirits have taken a dive
; My sandwich of onion and chive unfini...
Has thrown itself off
As it forced me to cough
up all over this 'orrible dive.
Preventative measures exist
To stop you from getting too pissed
Use a plug or a bag ....
Or the missus will nag
but don't become misogynist. With suitable syncopation.
There once was a spy in the Whitehall,
Who slipped all the mandarins Nytol
While they were abed
She sneaked in and read
Diatribes by Nicholas Whitchall

That's not what a hoover is for! (just watched Belleville Rendez-vous)
Er, <hr>
It's supposed to be used on the floor!
That's not what a hoover is for! (just watched Belleville Rendez-vous)
It can suck, it can blow,
*Uses nail scissors on the knot in the loop of the space-time continuum*
That's not what a hoover is for!
It's supposed to be used on the floor!
It can suck, it can blow,
And in case you don't know
Cannot love, but so what? vive l'amour
(sorry for the multipost - it sprang upon me)
The conductor put down his baton
And eyed the bassoon, who had spat on... attacca (unfino sentenza)
the Trumpeters notes...
, the piccolist's stoats,
and the third oboe's dad, Derek Hatton.
[T,PJ,P,R,r] Bravo!
It is not necessarily true,
But this apprroximation will do
That pi is defined
By two hearts entwined
Round Rolf Harris, and a didgeridoo
My hickory dickory dock
Got caught in the old Vicars jock
-strap, quite by chance
As I made an advance
And that's why I'm now in the dock
You'll never get me on a train
I've no courage, no heart, nor no brain [Oz declared]
I’ll just sit here and wait
With the scarecrow as bait
For the witch to come by with her plane.
She felt that her implants escaped,
And became a crusader(caped)
Her rampant enhancement
Improved the advancement
But her rearguard was not so well shaped.
Syntactical tactics like these
Methodologic'ly ease
Lexicographer's tricks
keen semantics
Impractical praxis will squeeze?
There once was a Caveman in Soho,
Who bought Aerosmith's "Honkin' on Bobo",
Then he hid in his cave
(There are a few better rhymes for Soho I'm sure)
For a rock music rave [Lisa] Go on then, now's your chance... :)
And made a wall painting of his Moho...girls!
Last night at the ‘Mad Vicar’s’ Pub,
Known for good spirits and poor grub
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