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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Hell, using too many syllables isn't a crime!
I've taken to riding a horse
but it's a pain in the bum, of course. Ouch!
But enough fiddle-faddle!
Take those spikes off the sdaddle!
[pen] 'blinkered', shurely?
And bloody well show some remorse!
I once had a wonderful dream
That I was passing a stream possible unfinished sentence alert
Of fine single malt whisky
Without taking the piss. Wee unfinished and dubious sense sentence alert...
Badger, quite drunk, shouted "FLEEM!"
Was that the exhaust that fell off?
I asked of a top hatted toff
He sneered down his nose
Out of which grew a rose
And caused the poor top toff to cough
My feeezer's encrusted with ice
And the pantry is chock full of mice Your feeezer? sounds painful
And as for the breadbin,
as well as the dustbin,
is covered completely with lice!
I have no sense of how to behave
Or indeed the way that I should shave
I have a good strop
and a rub down with a mop
And then I am oiled by my slave.
Adding a line because I was gazumped.
Whilst mowing the lawn in the nude
I was spied by my neighbor, the prude
With shears a-flashing
She came, a-dashing
And chopped off my daffodils, how rude!
On a whim today, I decided
To change sex again," he confided
But male or female?
He pondered by email
"Or perhaps I am just miss-guy-ded".
Whilst searching for sun, I found
A Kiwi, gagged and bound
I took off his helmet Oblig.
Which I nailed to the pelmet (In lack-of-rhyme mode there)
As he uttered a whimpering sound
It's spring, and the sap starts to rise!
A tumescence of frightening size !
*Break in space-time continuum*
Leaves me looking like I ate the pies
It came to me all in a flash
Why shouldn't I print my own cash?
It takes not much skill
To knock up a bill
And wait for the next Wall Street Crash
By jove, the weekend is here!
A cause, as ever, for cheer!
I shall gambol and caper
And read the newspaper
Until - no, it's Monday! Oh dear
And so we all trudge off to work
Dressed up like a crude, apeish berk.
It would be less bad
If only I had
Time to play moves, not just lurk
My passport is way out of date
The photo shot when I was eight
I was a boy in those days
Before a difficult phase
And, of course, 'twas before I met Kate.
I believe it's quite hard to rhyme orange
Yes, it is, and we've been there before.
Penelope has killed off one more
The blatant, man-eating whore! just kidding pen..
Her tastes are voracious
Her dress sense ... audacious? but what do I know ...
And I've heard that she consumes them raw You rotten swines :o)
I've invented a new kind of boot:
It sometimes emits a loud hoot
The heel is explosive
When touched by corrosive
but frankly, it costs too much loot.
Mohammed Said al-Sahaf I confess I sniggered when I spotted his name was an entire limerick line. The rhymes, of course, are up to you ...
Gave us all a jolly good laff
By always insisting
Iraq is resisting
And he's appearing on Saddam's behalf.
My friends, I have something to say.
My emotions can't get in the way.
I'm speaking with candour
I've got a big gander.
But sadly, I've nothing to lay. Now then, that's quite enough of all that. Move along now, please.
A green token at Notting Hill Gate
Is a tactic you can use to abate
A Circle Line Inversion
Without use of subversion
And lower the Harston Freem Rate
This technical talk is all greek
It's conventional wisdom I seek
For advice on a hat
Or which breed of cat
Or even the day of the week
  • The best breed of cat is the Moggy
    • I eat four when I feel a bit groggy
    I fry them with cheese Welcome Peneloope.
    After spraying the fleas
    Though I do find that makes them go soggy
    I want sausage, egg, chips and a tea
    That's for a friend, it's salad for me
    I'll have it with spam
    Washed down with a dram
    Of battery acid or three
    In case of emergency, you should
    Supply us with cold Yorkshire Pud
    A pint of warm ale,
    Which we slowly inhale
    Though we know it won't so any good

    ack! *do* any good... not "so"...

    I can spell but my proofreading sucks (drawing inspiration from ineptitude...)
    Eggs like a grandmother clucks
    Disapprovingly when
    are you coming? At ten?
    Those white-coated in their trucks.

    I remember the very first time
    Apologies - previous last line should read "Those white-coated men in their trucks" so much for proof-reading.
    Start again
    I remember the very first time
    I wrote my first limerick line
    It began with a word
    Writer's block then occurred
    A writer cried as he ran past
    "The monster that follows is vast"
    "So pick up your pen"
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    Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord