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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Credit where it's due and all, I think it was Kim's idea. Seems if it wants to carry on organically it will do just that; but I'm with Rosie and widey - plain old limericks'll do me a treat, fanks.
(and if you're looking for a definition of a limerick, you could do worse than start here)
[rosie] phrase books are great - I had one that got lost in the move that had a whole section on what to yell out during sex... in French.
[Tidying up]
To play Knightsbridge gets me a podume
If Bank's only got enough room
For when at Russell Square
Oval freem ain't all there
So Wapping's the one, I presume?
In Egypt they do things with geese
which involve using feathers and grease
But in France and Japan
They just flush the pan Of course in Italy it's called the Po.
And then smear each other with cheese
On a radio station in Cheshire
They interviewed old M C Escher
whose illusory art
Was oft known to start
With a hunt for some long-buried treasure
I said not to mention the war
But you did, you incredible bore
Forget the Armada
Let's dance the Lambada
Until we both collapse to the floor!
There was a young lady from Venus
who discovered a thing which was heinous hoping this doesn't go in the obvious direction.....
It was firm and quite stiff
and on top was a quiff!
(Use a clean handkerchief)
Bugger! Missed the warning. Follow widey.
did we miss the last line there ? Are we being squeamish ?

Since you ask, that's a gun in my pocket

I shall pull it out, aim it and cock it
With unerring aim
But no malice or shame
But it could go off early if knockéd Coat!
I once wrote a poem, it's true,
But ask me to show 'em, I'll sue going with po-em...
The verse was quite blank
But exceedingly frank
And the sentiment expressed was blue
What is the meaning of this?

There was a young lady from Venus
Who discovered a thing which was heinous
It was firm and quite stiff
And on top was a quiff

She exclaimed "Something has come between us!"
Breadmaster - What is the meaning of this?
Chalky - You promised perpetual bliss
But your penis is tiny
And your voice is so whiny
And you're constantly out on the piss!
I once heard a fellow named Guy
Had set sail on the great Bering Sea
He found that the boat
Smelled throughout of dead goat
And the gunnels were filled with horse pee
What a charming impression it makes
When you stuff up your mouth full of cakes
If you fall to the ground
And attempt to expound
on aught but the Progress of Rakes.
On reading this website I find
It quite tedious and unkind (but not really!!)
And when you arrive
The place is alive it is, it is!
With the sound of the Crescenter's mind. ... except the BanterGame today :-(
It's a year since this site went on-line
And we've all had a jolly fine time
So please raise your glass
Put a cork in your arse Sorry to lower the tone, but this is getting a bit smug.
To say cheers, rab & Nik - it's just fine. [Rosie] Why apologise? FWIWIMHO - not smug, just right.
A pat on the back is OK
So long as we don't lose our way
Let's try not to boast
Just nod to our host
Without getting too over-gay.
I am happy and clappy and gay!
I am the new vicar, let us pray
For it's said, love thy neighbour
On the sabbath, don't labour No problem. Just getting up is bad enough.
And don't covet your friends' nuts in May.
To begin a new week it is wise
To slap a young wench on the thighs
But not on her bum
Or the back of her tongue
Lest you suffer an early demise!
Reportedly, I have been shot
That's the press for you, is it not? Unless it's true, of course.
The news story stated
That I'd bifurcated
That Raak's implicated
after Kim: in a complex and intricate plot
after Twiki: I'd ne'er bifurcated 'till now
But in the future I will, that I vow
Till I chanced upon this magic cow bifurcating, natch
I'll split an' I'll splice / Her twink-er-ling udders [bifurcating with a vengeance]
I'll chop and I'll dice / Quite gave me the shudders
Re-uniting? No way.../But her double cream's good...
I'll allow
I sat on the barstool, confused
Which way round the Med had I cruised?
my head swum with gin
And a hellish loud din
Why, oh why, had I never refused?
In order to lose seven stone
I gave our pet dog my thigh bone
And my head to the cat
who was sprawled on the mat
Now I'm lighter but can't use the phone
I broke my New Year's reolution
I broke my New Year's resolution
And failed to give up prostitution
It's a lucrative game
For a pantomime dame
And does wonders for the constitution - accent on the "the". Sorry but I don't know how to draw the line (in html).
B'smith - nice one ... a simple < hr > without the spaces does the trick :-)
When I go to Luton I take
A bottle of ready-soused hake
A sandwich of spam
A freshly killed lamb
And a herb-stuffed and roasted corncrake.
I've just found a bat in my tea!
But do I play cricket? Not me!
Though I have this box
It's storage for socks
That's quite handy I'm sure you'll agree and now a drum-roll please...............
Wey hey!! Thanks once again Chalkers.
I've just found an owl in my pint!
Can the pussy-cat be far behind?
(tricky) or is it a scene in my mind
Though the grog's made me blind (not such good form.)
And my verse is quite blank you will find-t. There is no word in the English language that rhymes with pint, otherwise I am sure that the great Sir John Betjeman would surely have written about beer in Slough.
I think's there's a man in my garden!
(In the suburbs of Henly in Arden)
Perhaps he's a gnome
I wish he'd go home
'Cause his stance is beginning to harden.
teehee
The Grimblepritz lives in a cave
He does not know how to behave
He once caused a fight
Then used dynamite
Instead of a razor to shave.
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