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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Wrapping up presents is fun
A ball and some slippers, a gun... in the form of a list, y'see
..a hanky and socks
...some ears just like Spocks,
And a bottle of rosé Blue Nun.
Why, Grandma, it's just what I wanted!
Is what I would have said - but I grunted
'Twas all I could manage
On that day in Swanage (it doesn't rhyme, I know)
After a kiss from my old transvestite aunt Ted
The sexton said to the vicar
(Who reacted with naught but a flicker)
"Which way do you lean .. [UNfinished quote alert]
because you see I'm quite keen careful, now...
To make your silk vestments look slicker.
Twas the night before Christmas, it's said,
While all the good folk were a'bed,
That Santa's wee elves
make friendly spells
for sugarplums and gingerbread. (ignoring Fridge's blatant mixing of tenses)
Sesquipedalianism
essentially, verbosity driven
Makes people, in herds
(Whose brains are like bird's)
Feel their corpus callosum is riven.
I saw David Beckham last week
I gave his left butt cheek a tweak
It came off in my hand
which was not what I'd planned
so next week I'm in front of the beak. One wonders what Victoria would say - if she actually realized, that is.
One has to be cruel to be kind ... sigh
So here is a piece of my mind
I'm sick of your moods,
and your Chopin Preludes
Hence I'll play by myself and go blind ... I'm leaving
Cette sauce d'haute qualité
qui contient d'la merde rechauffée
est un petit peu drolle
nous sommes a l'ecole?
Bien sur - comme vous avez gouté!
Vous avez le Knockwurst chez vous?
Aber nein doch, das geb' ich nicht zu
Mais, ce grand saucisson?
*no "?" intended*
dont l'odeur est si bon
Damnit teach me to spend a long time reading before posting...
Das ist Bratwurst nicht Knockwurst, (qui pue !)
What's wrong with plain English I ask?
Mon Dieu! Nous sommes taken to task.
Mais j'ai peur that I'm stuck
Und Ich hab nicht mehr luck
Et je veux's Nächstenmal we speak Basque.
- oh, sorry
Last night as I went off to bed
, a polka dot scarf on my head,
I tripped on a stair
Landing on Tony Blair
Now I'm in Belmarsh until I am dead!
The trouble with children today
Is they don't kneel down and pray
When asking permission
to indulge in coition
They say "No, you big perv, go away"
When the Crescenters arrive at rab,
They find it all dreary and drab poetic licence. Not true, rab sweetie.
With colours insipid - second application for poetic license
Walls all strippéd - can it really be this bad?
But I'm joking -- it's really ab fab!
I know all the secrets of love
When to wriggle, when to roll, when to shove.
But this illness, I fear
Was brought on by beer
so I'm flacid and won't fit like a glove
My fingers are feeling quite sore Make of it what you will...
For I got them trapped in the door
It could have been worse
For I got the nurse
To kiss them and wrap them - and more!
I once knew a man from Northants
who cooked a stew made of old pants
with dumplings like lead
And an old cabbage head
all garnished with microwaved ants.
One day I'll stop starting the rhyme
start stopping - now is the time
When future and past
Turn to present, at last
Was and will be starstopting sublime.
It's been a stop/start kind of day
Iv'e been casting my glances away
, The kind where there's simply no way
oops simulpost. Ignore mine.
Too late, It's been captured online
On balance, we'll go with Zarbenia
It's been a stop/start kind of day
I've been casting my glances away
where shall I go?
'Cos I simply don't know
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