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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Christmas parties are dangerous things
For married men take off their rings!
There's no way of knowing
What seeds they are sewing.
25 hours of stunned silence - a mercy killing is obviously needed:
(when lining up their New Year flings)
disclaimer: the sentiments expressed above do not represent my personal viewpoint and I would like to assure the readers that faithful husbands were not used [or even stitched up] in the making of that last limerick :-)
Wrapping up presents is fun
A ball and some slippers, a gun... in the form of a list, y'see
..a hanky and socks
...some ears just like Spocks,
And a bottle of rosé Blue Nun.
Why, Grandma, it's just what I wanted!
Is what I would have said - but I grunted
'Twas all I could manage
On that day in Swanage (it doesn't rhyme, I know)
After a kiss from my old transvestite aunt Ted
The sexton said to the vicar
(Who reacted with naught but a flicker)
"Which way do you lean .. [UNfinished quote alert]
because you see I'm quite keen careful, now...
To make your silk vestments look slicker.
Twas the night before Christmas, it's said,
While all the good folk were a'bed,
That Santa's wee elves
make friendly spells
for sugarplums and gingerbread. (ignoring Fridge's blatant mixing of tenses)
Sesquipedalianism
essentially, verbosity driven
Makes people, in herds
(Whose brains are like bird's)
Feel their corpus callosum is riven.
I saw David Beckham last week
I gave his left butt cheek a tweak
It came off in my hand
which was not what I'd planned
so next week I'm in front of the beak. One wonders what Victoria would say - if she actually realized, that is.
One has to be cruel to be kind ... sigh
So here is a piece of my mind
I'm sick of your moods,
and your Chopin Preludes
Hence I'll play by myself and go blind ... I'm leaving
Cette sauce d'haute qualité
qui contient d'la merde rechauffée
est un petit peu drolle
nous sommes a l'ecole?
Bien sur - comme vous avez gouté!
Vous avez le Knockwurst chez vous?
Aber nein doch, das geb' ich nicht zu
Mais, ce grand saucisson?
*no "?" intended*
dont l'odeur est si bon
Damnit teach me to spend a long time reading before posting...
Das ist Bratwurst nicht Knockwurst, (qui pue !)
What's wrong with plain English I ask?
Mon Dieu! Nous sommes taken to task.
Mais j'ai peur that I'm stuck
Und Ich hab nicht mehr luck
Et je veux's Nächstenmal we speak Basque.
- oh, sorry
Last night as I went off to bed
, a polka dot scarf on my head,
I tripped on a stair
Landing on Tony Blair
Now I'm in Belmarsh until I am dead!
The trouble with children today
Is they don't kneel down and pray
When asking permission
to indulge in coition
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