arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
The Obligatory Limericks Game
help
When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
arrow_circle_up
my bowel, it did grumble
And then my gas gave up the ghost.
Mr Howard is now Tory Leader
Another smug and fawning bleeder
It seems they can't win
It makes Kennedy grin
That damn little Scot ginger weed - er
I would like to point out at this time I have nothing against Scots, ginger people or indeed the Lib Dems.
It's goodbye to Iain Duncan-Smith
We will all shed a tear and a sniff (sorry)
who returns to the darkness forthwith.
BUGGER - SIMULPOST. How did that happen?
(Bifurcating then...)
He was Labour's best hope / He was banished by Howard
Now it's gone up in smoke/The backstabbing coward
And he's now been replaced by a twit-h
Many terrible deeds at the palace
none commited, however, by Alice
All we know is - a writ
We'll know more in a bit ...
But I bet it involves a royal phallus
Last night I dreamt I was walking
Surrey streets in a town known as Dorking
And when I awoke (Ken T) I see you've got here at last. :-)
I was really in Stoke
Being arrested for illegal stalking. [plump] Actually a servant's, according to what I hear... you didn't get it from me though...
If you want to develop your pecs
Take a hint from good old T-Rex
Just strum your guitar
and don't wear a bra
And engage dear Prince ********** in sex sorry if I lowered the tone at all...
How do you get a line in here?
Like this.
In the middle of sueing for slander
(for they spoke out with far too much candour)
We stopped for a dance [barbacoa] <hr> - I remember it as short for "horizontal rule"
Just on the off chance
A Cha-Cha with Chi-Chi the panda
There's an injunction on part of this verse
For the censored censored, it gets worse!
The Guardian's screaming
The lawyers are beaming
And every report must be terse.
For those who are feeling the cold
Remember it stifles the mold.
So get on with living
Be loving and giving
And let those warm feelings unfold. aaah
In the middle of drinking some tea,
I thought "this will make me pee". Old men and their bladders :-(
What if I don't get up? ohdearohdearohdear
Or I drench the new pup? yelp!
A dilemma I'm sure you'll agree
If you curtsey again I shall scream
I can see your knickers, they're green
At least, I think they're your pants
Inside, I feel ants
gnawing away at my spleen. What a compendium of non-sequiturs, mine included. I feel we can do better. :-)
From Hackney to Bromley-by-Bow
And the meadows of old Pimlico Already I'm liking the poetry of this one ....
The byways we tread
As we breathe in the lead
And eastward t'wards Dagenham we go. Hit me with your rhythm stick!
Kew Gardens; the height of the fall
Has tourists who just have the gall
To drop all their wrappers
Then run like the clappers oblig
and leg-it over the wall
It's rumoured that Hampton Court Palace in keeping
Was the setting for BBC's 'Dallas'
And that really, JR
Was Kath-ar-ine Parr
Dressed-up and sporting a phalus.
Meanwhile, back in Kalamazoo
Michigan State's playing host to The Who
They've already smashed
Guitars and they've trashed
all the hotels they've stayed in too
George Bush isn't bright it is true
But I don't think it matters, do you?
He's just one of the guys.
Although he denies
The attack on Iraq was a coup
From Kalamazoo to East Lansing
"Who" fans blocked the streets up with dancing.
But things went awry
When a pineapple pie
Hit the vocalist, who now just can't sing.
thanks!
On a day out with Danny La Rue
I found half a didgeridoo
Its twang was almighty
- It was heard back in Blighty -
and Danny dived into the loohighly unlikely, anyway it's a dunny down under, or so us poms are led to believe. Here endeth the lesson.
Lusaka, Kinshasa, Harare
St Fagans, Blaenavon and Barry
Kilmarnock and Fife
Looe and St Ive
And Kenya (Whilst lost on Safari).
They say I'm a much-travelled man
And it's true - I've spent time in Japan
and also on Mars
(But mostly in bars)
Where I filled up my green petrol can.
Is it true to say green eggs and ham unfi...
Are unfit for consumption by man ?
With a fox, in a box
and cream cheese and lox
They're still better for you than spam.
At last I have ultimate power! Muahahahaha!
Before you all people shall cower! (echoes laugh)
The formula's mine
For the fog on the Tyne
And the alpine fresh scent in your shower! It doesn't come much more potent than that.
Syntactical rules are not made (sentence alert unfinished)
Syntactical rules are not made
to beguile, tempt, cajole or persuade
But to help make some sense
(and not cause offence)
Of all the preceding tyrade
My tirades 'gainst poor grammar are fraught
With the pedantry that I was taught
By a teacher at school
(the silly old fool)
His lessons weren't not what they ought.
Bad grammar, poor syntax, crap rhyme
So many to try, but no time!
So here I will just unfinished...
Make do with a lust
For the great Ogden Nash in his prime.
As Yoda declared once to me,
'Confused by this all will you be'
Well, he was right
for I sat up all night
I can't choose! With the plotline for Episode Three / How the hell did he beat Christ'pher Lee? / With a Grammar book, pencils and tea
Whilst inhaling a pinch of good snuff
I was tempted to say, to Frank Bough
"Try this for size" [Dazed] Ah - so that's how they pronounce Buff in Brum :-) ]
"It'll bug out your eyes"
But I sensed that he'd had quite enough.
While cruising to tropical climes
To escape prosecution for crimes
I happened to meet
A cop on the beat
Who said "Sunshine, you're nicked, you'll do time!"
My cell is just six feet by ten
And I share it with 26 men
My left knee is wedged
between something alleged unf...
(sorry! for grammar:) behind something alleged
to be bigger than that owned by Sven.
If sleep were a treat, not a right,
I think I'd still do it all night
I'd stay in my pit
Until I saw fit
To get up [or just needed a shite] thangyew thangyew
I wish I did not oversleep
But when my alarm clock goes "beep"
The temptation's too great
And I must masturbate
Because I've been counting those sheep.
Of all of the people I've met,
None compares to that nice Yorkshire vet
for creatures, he's best great and small, that is
But dont shake his hand, lest FG] I almost ruptured my throat laughing at that !
Yours ends up all slimy and wet... eeeeewwww.....
One Saturday in Piccadilly
I met a transvestite called Lily bit of a drag, though
She took me in hand
(Plus a minor brass band)
And then we... no, that would be silly
One night, while traversing Kings Cross,
Like a Rolling Stone gathering moss [invoking st dogmael]
A complete unknown
playing trombone
Said, 'Quite frankly I don't give a toss'
I think I've drunk too much 'Red Bull'
So my bladder is buzzing and full [FG] I've got the most *awful* image in my mind of someone OD-ing on RB...
My 'water' is pink
And it's starting to stink
I don't think I'm going to pull.
I'm morose, really down in the dumps
'Cos my willy has come out in lumps maintaining the base level
He is such a good dog Straining to get out of the mire....
He sits on the bog
But when he gets to the sink, he just humps
Sinatra was once heard to say
I'm proud that I did things my way
Though I cheated and cussed
Was my hair ever mussed? Have I missed an obvious song-led rhyme here?
and the Mafia augmented my pay
Bruce Forsythe enjoyed a good game [penelope] Not that I made intentionally, no :)
'Though his wig received all the acclaim
It did a small jig
Then grew very big
Now it's taken the star role in 'Mame'
My friend is called Pudsey the Bear (topical)
We go round to children in care
And give them a thrashing Children in Need? Why can't they stay in bloody need? That's not me talking btw - it's a quote from the Fast Show...
With feathers, not bashing ... Which sounds a little like the sentences imposed on murderers, rapists etc. meted out by my local judiciary system.... (tucks occasional right wing tendencies over tender left wing and flies off.)
It's a smash when it goes out on air! Or the S4C primetime highlight: "Children In Neath"
I'm a big fan of Children in Neath
And of Ladyboys in Cowdenbeath
The Teenagers in Frome
Have been swept to their doom
And Looe Pensioners all have false teeth.
Suspected of fiddling with boys,
And playing with cudd-er-ly toys,
Here soundeth the klaxon
For that idiot Jackson (forced)
Whose 'hanging' created some 'noise'.
[Angus Prune] Forced? Forced???!!! Au contraire, it was a gift! Carefully planned and skilfully made!! If you don't like it, then don't take it! ;o)
Caref'ly planned and skillf'ly made
And usually cheerf'ly displayed
Was the head of a moose
Which hung from a noose
Keeping fresh thanks to plenty of shade.
While practising a quite tricky stunt
With my neighbor, good old Allen Funt
I fell in a trap
Constructed of scrap
Which proved that I'm simply a runt.
This first line's a bit lame, it's true,
And for the third, better must do.
But to make matters worse
This entire piss-poor verse
Has ended up blocking the loo.
Lets try Jackson now in the press !
It's clear that his face is a mess a couple of tracks short of an album, if you ask me.
And as for the songs
Well - they right no wrongs
String him up ! Lynch him ! Kill him ! YES YES!!!
Let's all get together and sing
A hymn to The Great Blob of Tring
samn - simulposted! Of the relative merits of 'bling'
Bifurcating: Whose one saving grace/The rocks and the gold
Is the look on His face / Are a sight to behold
And the merriment that it will bring. hoping I have covered both possibilities neatly in one line. :-)
The chance that was too good to miss
Ended up being seized by the Swiss
The Americas Cup
And the chance to throw up!
Hang on. Are you taking the p*ss?
/ Jeez - that sure made limer-sense. Ah well - onwards and upwards ...
Chalky - Whilst cooking in loco parentis
(Mom*ma had gone off to the dentist)
I put on the gas
And shook my yas-yas (obscure 1930s southern US slang declared)
And proved I was non compas mentis.
[Tina] Good call.!
I sit in my nice padded cell
And giggle, as I ring my bell
But the imps and the pixies
Try to tell me that six is
Seven, and eight is aswell
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord