A slang term which is to football what "punch-drunk" is to boxing: minor brain damage inflicted by repeated blows to the head, in this case incurred particularly by aging centre-forwards from heading the ball too often. Particularly prevalent three or four decades ago, when the football was generally (a) heavier, and more importantly (b) more absorbent of water, therefore heavier still in rainy conditions, which was (and remains) most of the football season. Less prevalent now, for obvious reasons, and Gascoigne is *not* an example (almost never headed a ball in his life, he really *is* that dumb naturally.

Istanbul

a sort of hissed expletive made sotto voce when someone in your company is talking utter bollocks [eg. lunch with the boss and his wife] but it wouldn't be prudent to say so.

Strabane

(pron. St. Ra-barney.) The patron saint of punch-ups.

Hever

A particularly attractive lady, from the expression "Wouldn't 'hever' out of bed!"

Torlundy

Was a small settlement established in the year 894ad by two viking invaders, Tor and Lundy. They agreed to name it after the both of them and Tor won the arm wrestle, giving him the right to have his name first.

Tipton

The experience of suddenly finding oneself under a great big pile of something.

Foots Cray

Ronnie & Reggie's personal cobbler.

Fitzpaine

The discomfort endured by a woman who is convinced that her size 8 feet will go into size 6 shoes.

Sgiogarstaigh

The feeling you get when taking over half an hour to wake up following a night out on the piss.

Clovelly

Attractively overspiced.

Snoqualmie

Some mothers do 'ave 'em. Try Crowborough

An alternative for 'coven'

Pimlico

When the viking town of TorLundy became a thriving metropolis, the founding fathers were continually arguing over who should be King. Yet again Lundy lost the arm wrestle and Tor stayed as King of TorLundy, which was then renamed Torlundy. Lundy took his friends and family and set off in search of somewhere new to build a settlement. They found a large open space and, upon seeing this, Lundy exclaimed "There's northing there, a whole ton of northing." The name stuck and the town of Northington was founded.

Tadcaster

[Deek] I don't think you've quite grasped the idea of this game

Tadcaster

A person who fishes for tadpoles.

Wroclaw

The ancient right to ignore laws when they obviously don't apply to you.

Anglesey

What a Tadcaster aspires to do some day.

Malvern