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Slap My Jammy Badger! 2004
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Yes, it's time for another game of Slap My Jammy Badger! Release your four highly trained badgers into the London Underground and then attempt to get to Mornington Crescent using standard moves and by picking up vital bonus points from slapping the other player's badgers. Identify the badger by tasting its jam! Please note that nadgering a badger is still disallowed. Fnweek!
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More fool you, Will :-)
Part 2 sees the release of 2nd string badger - Eeee Clare into the morass that parades as Green Park. Worry not - we know what we are doing, oh yes indeeedio ...
Alan, Craig, Gary and Jonathan are all out of jam but do manage to pick up a couple of jars of marmalade. Using the rather unorthodox 2-1-1 formation, they head for Morden. They set up camp, cleverly disguising themselves as discarded copies of the Evening Standard, and wait until morning (because the tube's are on strike today).
Under cover of the strike I unleash 4 damson-jammed badgers into various parks where they start digging, to emerge, who knows where. I sit back at Sloane Square and await developments.
Carefully, I release my four badgers, liberally armed with numerous pots of apricot preserve, loose from their four TARDIS-shaped cages. Troughton leads Pertwee, Hartnell and Baker towards Covent Garden. Good job the electricity is off...
*attempts to sabotage the game with four thinly-disguised paté-smothered crashpenguins released into key central locations at Leicester Square, Green Park, Knightsbridge and Piccadilly Circus.
*spots a badger disappearing into the gloom at Barbican. Gives chase.
Slap at Northwick Park! Oh no, it's one pen's crashpenguins. i feel dirty
*using an oversized remote control unit with forty or so levers, manoeuvres crashpenguins and stealthbadgers to occupy all major intersections, viz: Liverpool Street, Bank, Hammersmith, Acton Town, Stratford, Baker Street, Notting Hill Gate and Embankment, cutting most diagonals (apart from those that don't matter) and reducing LV to 0.3 across Zones 1 to 5 in all four quadrants.*
*as an afterthought, smears marshmallow and peanut butter onto the live rail at Oxford Circus to tempt Will's chocolate-syruped gopher and gives an evil laugh*
*Employs team of Ninja Hampsters to clean up after penelope's crashpenguins at Bank* Aha! What do we have here . . . SLAP! . . . Lick . . . Hmmm! chocolate and David Beckham flavour, I wonder who that belongs to. *Notes result on scoresheet*
Forewarned of the ambush ahead, Alan, Craig, Gary and Jonathan change at Stockwell and switch to the Victoria line.
Too late! A crashpenguin boards the tube at Pimlico . Jonathan uses his bread buttering skills to hold the penguin off until Victoria . "Fly, you fools!" he cries as the other three escape, leaving Jonathan to face a sticky end. It is all over by Green Park and Jonathan is no more.
Staring at White City whilst my genetically-engineered and anime-enhanced marmalade badgers - Setsuna, Lina, Kamui and Robin - zoom off to raid some gardens, namely Covent, Island, Kew and Ruislip Gardens.
Morgan and Geraint are keen to get on, but Blodwyn and Megan have forced a search of nearby premises at Knightsbridge. *checks matchbox*
*farkle*, to reposition without being seen...
Bond Street and something moves in my periphery of vison...

**SLAP!!**

*tastes* Marmalade... It's Deek's Gary!! *dumps the lifeless form of Gary in the doorway of a smart boutique and walks nonchalantly away.*

Close examination of the sett at Regents Park reveals that the hole goes straight down. Was it a mistake to import my badgers from Australia?
Now down to two, Alan and Craig seek refuge in a maintenance tunnel just along from Marble Arch . Suddenly they are sucked into a mass transit system worm hole and are dumped, uncerimoniously, onto the platform of Crystal Peaks station on the Sheffield Super Tram network. (check out http://www.supertram.com/map.html for further details)
Having assumed an ambush position behind the stairs at Mile End, I can hear a snuffling coming from the Central Line eastbound tunnel...

SLAP!

Hmmm... doesn't look like a badger... *tastes* Chocolate syrup? It's a bloody gopher! Will - sort it out!
Meanwhile, my four little black-and-white chrges have split up, and are now running amok in the tunnels of the central London area...
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