"Good Morning"

The Good Life

"Good gracious, Tom! Whatever are you doing with those potatoes?" "Human manure, Barbara!"

The Young Ones

"Hey! Rick! Come and have a go on this quad bike!"

Dead Ringers

"I thought that for the forthcoming season, we might draw more heavily upon the works of Marcel Marceau for our inspiration, what do you think, Culshaw?"

2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Certainly, Sir. Coming up immediately.

Heartbeat

da-dup, da-dup......da-dup...............beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.........

Alias

Sydney: "I'm sorry Vaughn, Arvin and I are deeply in love" - You can tell I watch it :)

Tru Calling

"Oops, sorry, wrong number. I was trying to get Derek Acorah"

Thomas the Tank Engine

"And what can we do for you, Dr Beeching?"

Working Lunch

"Stuff it - let's go down the pub!"

Liquid News

"Help! I'm drowning!"

Stardate: The Transit of Venus

"...with your host for tonight's Celestial Spectacular, Stevie Wonder."

Will & Grace

"We're getting married and moving to Kansas."

From Our Own Correspondent

- "No, nothing to declare.... Yes, yes that's me in the passport photo, admittedly the picture was taken a few years ago and I didn't have the beard then... No, I haven't any previous convictions for anything of the kind, I told you - I'm here on behalf of the Beeb, doing a report on your government's Human Rights record. These guys are my technicians, yes, all my papers are in order... What? ... No, I don't see why you need to open the case, but if it'll keep you happy I - wait, why is he putting on those gloves? Hey now, just a minute! Hey, get your filthy hands off of - Get off! Help! Help! Call the British Embassy before they stick their hands up my -" [Transmission Ends]

-"The Late Jeremy Bowen there, with a report on the situation in Zimbabwe, which he recorded earlier today."

They Think It's All Over - Just too easy, isn't it?

"Urgh, I think you've got it all over me."

The Heaven and Earth Show

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

The Clangers

"Unfortunately the soup-dragon developed a taste for Clanger soup."

Quote unquote

It sounds like it should be Wilde, but surely it is Desperate Dan after digging into his third Cow-pie.

The Ascent of Man

Well, I'm here.

Tellytubbies

"And how many calories is in that, Po?"

Newsround

"Nothing new happening here!" A Prarie Home Companion (yes, I know, it's American, but it is Public Radio)

"I've found love on the internet. He's an account, works in New York, so I've decided to move to the Big Apple, leave the wide open country and settle down in a city apartment on the edge of Manhatten. Goodbye, I'll write you." Star in their Eyes

Oops. Should've been on a lower line, like this:

Stars in their Eyes

"Tonight, I'm going to be Fred West."

Last of the Summer Wine

"My, what a cold winter it's going to be this year."

A Question of Sport

"And, on my right, our new team captain, Breadmaster."

Queer Eye For The Straight Guy

"Joining the team this week, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen."

"Sold!"

10 o'clock News

"And the time's just coming up to midnight."

QI

"...and tonight's guests are all dyslexic"

Drivetime with Johnnie Walker

"And now, a word from our sponsor, Johnny Walker Whisky. Is your commute down the motorway a grind? Do you get tense, irritable, angry? Take a bottle of Johnny Walker with you to soothe your cares away. Relax, put the pedal to the floor, and fly down the fast lane with Johnny Walker."

The Shipping Forecast

"Scilly, variable, poor."

Sport on Five

"And now, the World Tiddlywinks Championship."

Scooby Doo

"Scooby Dooby Doo, where are - ? Oh there you are. Been looking for you everywhere."

The Wombles

"I guess that cleans everything up, then."

Enterprise

"Quick, activate the shie...

ER