"Bugger it, I just sat on my specs!"

Gardeners' World

"And this week, we look at the ideal way for busy city folk to manage a garden: pave the whole thing over."

Farming Today

"...sponsored by Monsanto."

Robot Wars

Now I look down the harbor. All manner of boats, overloaded with fleeing population, pulling out from docks.

Streets are all jammed. Noise in crowds like New Year's Eve in city. Wait a minute... The... the enemy is now in sight above the Palisades. Five — five great machines. First one is crossing the river. I can see it from here, wading... wading the Hudson like a man wading through a brook...

Now the first machine reaches the shore. He stands watching, looking over the city. His steel, cowlish head is even with the skyscrapers. He waits for the others. They rise like a line of new towers on the city's west side...

Now they're lifting their metal hands. This is the end now. Smoke comes out... black smoke, drifting over the city. People in the streets see it now. They're running towards the East River... thousands of them, dropping in like rats.

Now the smoke's spreading faster. It's reached Times Square. People are trying to run away from it, but it's no use. They're falling like flies.

Now the smoke's crossing Sixth Avenue... Fifth Avenue... a... a hundred yards away... it's fifty feet...


The West Wing

Duck, here comes Bush and Condalisa.

Z-Cars

We've had to give it a mersey killing.

Monty Python's Flying Circus. All right, sacrilege. Do your worst.

s'tI

Spooks

"Who you gonna call?"

The Royle Family

"You know, Jim, you could get a job doing adverts for British Gas."

The Vicar of Dibley

"THERE IS NO GOD!!!"

Big Brother

"This season's participants are a crack dealer, a child prostitute, a military interrogator, an Enron executive, a captured suicide bomber, a Grey alien, an escapee from a high-security psychiatric prison, and a few brain-damaged drug addicts. And one of them is a serial killer! Guess which one as the body count rises week by week!"

Through The Night (which may not be well known to many readers: it runs on Radio 3 from sometime after midnight)

"Good Morning"

The Good Life

"Good gracious, Tom! Whatever are you doing with those potatoes?" "Human manure, Barbara!"

The Young Ones

"Hey! Rick! Come and have a go on this quad bike!"

Dead Ringers

"I thought that for the forthcoming season, we might draw more heavily upon the works of Marcel Marceau for our inspiration, what do you think, Culshaw?"

2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Certainly, Sir. Coming up immediately.

Heartbeat

da-dup, da-dup......da-dup...............beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.........

Alias

Sydney: "I'm sorry Vaughn, Arvin and I are deeply in love" - You can tell I watch it :)

Tru Calling

"Oops, sorry, wrong number. I was trying to get Derek Acorah"

Thomas the Tank Engine

"And what can we do for you, Dr Beeching?"

Working Lunch

"Stuff it - let's go down the pub!"

Liquid News

"Help! I'm drowning!"

Stardate: The Transit of Venus

"...with your host for tonight's Celestial Spectacular, Stevie Wonder."

Will & Grace

"We're getting married and moving to Kansas."

From Our Own Correspondent

- "No, nothing to declare.... Yes, yes that's me in the passport photo, admittedly the picture was taken a few years ago and I didn't have the beard then... No, I haven't any previous convictions for anything of the kind, I told you - I'm here on behalf of the Beeb, doing a report on your government's Human Rights record. These guys are my technicians, yes, all my papers are in order... What? ... No, I don't see why you need to open the case, but if it'll keep you happy I - wait, why is he putting on those gloves? Hey now, just a minute! Hey, get your filthy hands off of - Get off! Help! Help! Call the British Embassy before they stick their hands up my -" [Transmission Ends]

-"The Late Jeremy Bowen there, with a report on the situation in Zimbabwe, which he recorded earlier today."

They Think It's All Over - Just too easy, isn't it?

"Urgh, I think you've got it all over me."

The Heaven and Earth Show

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

The Clangers

"Unfortunately the soup-dragon developed a taste for Clanger soup."

Quote unquote

It sounds like it should be Wilde, but surely it is Desperate Dan after digging into his third Cow-pie.

The Ascent of Man

Well, I'm here.

Tellytubbies

"And how many calories is in that, Po?"

Newsround

"Nothing new happening here!" A Prarie Home Companion (yes, I know, it's American, but it is Public Radio)

"I've found love on the internet. He's an account, works in New York, so I've decided to move to the Big Apple, leave the wide open country and settle down in a city apartment on the edge of Manhatten. Goodbye, I'll write you." Star in their Eyes

Oops. Should've been on a lower line, like this:

Stars in their Eyes

"Tonight, I'm going to be Fred West."

Last of the Summer Wine