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Corporation Dustcart
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Michael Grade has just been appointed Director General of the BBC, and, true to form, wants a clearout. Please provide inappropriate sentences that sound the death knell for a radio or television programme (for example: The Money Programme - Has anyone got 50p for the meter? or Upstairs Downstairs - "Rose! We're moving into a bungalow!"). Since Grade believes that he has God-like powers, you don't have to stick to the BBC.
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But first, a party political broadcast.

Murder She Wrote

"Damn, out of ink ribbon." [UK] a-HA-ha-ha-ha!

Masterpiece Theatre
"In a ground breaking televisual event, Ant and Dec will star in a live action version of Bill and Ben"

Top of the Pops

"No move at number one for Bryan Houston's 'I Will Always Do Everything That It Is That I Do For You', holding onto the top spot for a shattering four-hundred-and-thirty-seven weeks!"

Family Fortunes

(That joke once was topical)
"And playing against them we have the Beckham Family. Meet David, Victoria, Brooklyn..."

Father Ted

"...a new series, featuring all of the original cast" coat...

The National Lottery
"The numbers are... 1... 1... 1... 1... 1, and... 1. The bonus ball is... 1."

Newsnight Review

"Do you know what? I agree with you."

Newsnight
"I love you, Minister."

Blackadder

"as cunning as very cunning thing, that wrote a learned thesis on cunning, published by the cunning press, etc, etc,etc (slap)"

Countdown
British UFO Files What the F**k was that??? F**ked if I know!!!
Come ON! Too much repetition. Countdown's been 'done' already, as have at least 3 more on this page. Declaring originality with ...

Scrapheap Challenge

"And this week, can a team of former future Prime Ministers build a viable opposition government from nothing but a stack of dead wood?"

Composer of the Week

"This weeks featured composer is Rolf Harris. Rolf's contribution to the popularity of the Stylophone..."

Teletubbies

"one day, in teletubby land, Tinky Winky was off his face, while Laa Laa and Dipsy went twos on his crack pipe."

sorry, I thought I checked that out.........

The Simpsons
"We now regard this programme as a disaster of Homeric proportions".

A book at bedtime

"Tonight, the Slough Telephone Directory."

Only Fools and Horses

"And now, show jumping from Hickstead."

Desert island disks

"This week's guest is Jade Goody."

The Eurovision Song Contest

"Representing the UK, we have Jade Goody."

BBC Learning Zone

"...presented this week by Jade Goody"

How Clean Is Your House?
"...presented by Jade Goody nude."

The Proms

"...to commemorate D-Day, soloist, Jade Goody with The White Cliffs of Dover."

No Going Back

As it happens I did buy a return ticket.

Steptoe and Son

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