The pants of the righteous man are beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of zippers. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the pants through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost pants. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my pants. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my pants upon you.