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50 Ways To....
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This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
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50 Ways To Fail A Job Interview

1. Light a cigarette, Bette.

2. Pick yer nose and flick, Mick.
Smell your own fart, Bart.And set yourself free.
3 Say you're an alcoholic, Rick.
Wear a daft hat, pat. [Kim] I've just seen yours: very good!
5.Wee in the hand basin, Jason.
6. Offer 'em sex, Rex.
7. Get out your cock, Jock.
8.Slap 'em in the face, Eustace. And get yourself free. visual rhyme declared
9. Offer them a bribe, Clive.
10. Look deeply bored, Maud
11. Tell them they're fools, Jules
12. Dance around in the nude, Jude.
13Whip out your knob, Bob.
14. Admit you wet the bed, Fred.
15. Ensure your handshake is clammy, Tammy.
16. Fall asleep halfway through, Lou.
17. Interview them, Jem.
18. And do condescend, friend.
19. Don't rock the ship, Pip.
20. Handwrite your vita, Rita.
21Have a w*nk Frank
22.Tell 'em you shagged their mom, Tom. Americanisation invoked.
23. Ask about the sick pay, Jay
24. Wipe your nose on your sleeve, Steve.
25Turn up a day late, Kate.

26 Take a mobile 'phone call, Paul

27 Have spinach in your teeth, Keith.

28 Soil your pants, Hans Sorry, only just discovered this excellent game.

29. Feign a nervous twitch, Rich.
30. Mention that your chief leisure interest is fellatio, Horatio.
31. Dress as a pike, Mike.

32. Play with your gender, Brenda.

33. Tell them that you like playing online games, James.
34. Keep shouting "Wibble" and starting to dribble, Sybil
35. Wear a fluorescent shirt, Bert.
36. Dress as Peter Pan, Dan.
37. Pretend that you're Italian, Ian.
38. Speak in Klingon, Don.
39. Just use your axe, Max.
40. Stun them with a totally irrelevant query, Desiree.

41. Wriggle on the chair and complain about your Chalfonts, Alphonse.

42. Insist loudly and repeatedly that you have irrefutable proof that the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything is forty two, Stu.
43. Fake your CV, Evie. [Rosie - No 41 haha!]
44. Tap your feet to an unknown beat,Pete.
45. Show 'em your operation scars, Lars
46. Wear a skirt, Kurt.
47. Quote George Carlin, Marlon.
48. Tell them you used to work for Citroen and show them your CV, Diane. (bending the rules a bit)
49. Conclude by informing them that the job has your name written all over it and they needn't bother interviewing any other applicants, Lance.
50. Stride over, kiss the interviewers on both cheeks and ask when you can start, Art.
Fifty Ways to Improve Your House Without Calling In The Experts
1. Don't use it to bury your dead, Fred.
2. Decorate to elicit abhorrence, Lawrence.
3. Paint the grass contrasting mauves, Jove.
4. Plant an indoor hedge, Reg.
5. Knock down a weight-bearing wall, Paul.
6. Use reflective glass in your window, Glenda.
1. Wallpaper the tiles, Miles.
7.Splatter paint tea bags at the ceiling, Rose.
1..2...3....4.....5......6.......7.......Oh, I know this, I know this, don't rush me...no its gone
er 9?Upgrade to mixer taps, Babs.
10. Get the mix (and numbers) right, Dwight.
11? Declare UDI, Si, and set yourself free
12. Use rockwool to insulate the loft, Lara Croft
13 Install a new patio, Super Mario.
14. Install Venetian blinds, Heinz.
15. Clean out the cellar, Arabella
16. Add a few aisles, Charles.
17. Convert it into a tip, Pip.
18. Cover everything in throws, Rose.
19. When buyers call, fill the place with the aroma of fresh coffee, Boffy?
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