The captain also doesn't understand a word Air Traffic Control have been saying.

The captain does understand the letters and numbers, which is enough for him to avoid crashing into any other aircraft.

...but not sand dunes isolated in the middle of the Saharan Desert.

But he's so lost he couldn't even find the Sahara

He's found Birmingham city centre.

So has the SAS! They're here to arrest the air crew and Brian Blessed on terrorism charges!

You're going with them, and because you've been designated an enemy combatant you won't have access to a lawyer, the right to trial, or even knowledge of what you are accused of while you languish in prison for an unspecified number of years.

They have a draughts set in the prison, and your are a world champion draughts (checkers)player!

No one will play against you

It's a singles draughts championship

None of the women going to this singles championship want a date with you.

One of the men does

He's too butch. (Did I say that out loud? Hide me!)

You beat him at draughts, softening him up.

He wants to play a new game involving a cucumber, axle grease and a tin of Spam!

You have the option of saying "no."

Caryl Chessman will be the adjudicator.

They get on so well they decide to play the game together instead, and you can leave them to it.

You've got nothing else to do all day now no-one'll play you at draughts, so you end up watching.

The Governor, a well known Manchester City supporter has decided to throw a party for all the inmates.

Most of them support Man U, as might be expected.