You have earings that are made of the kind of organic matter which you do not need gratification for.

Earwigs prefer earrings over earings. Regardless, they are rather pedantic individuals and do have a problem with their 'earing.

You like squashing earwigs

Guess what you'll be coming back as in the next life?

As a football supporter, finding true fulfilment by chanting Earwig-o, earwig-o, earwi....

My football team steadfastly follows the maxim "And pigs might fly" when it comes to winning - still, being bolt on trotters, it's to be expected. Lovely, Rosie, that brought out a large chuckle. Fortunately the better half is out shopping. :)

I shall stick equally steadfastly to my self-imposed prohibition against mentioning anything to do with my football team, except to say, contrary to what a historian might assume, that it is not located in a small village in North Yorkshire.