Its Hot Mud that you have been given a lifetime's supply of.

You haven't got much lifetime left.

Your place in Heaven has been assured.

Through a clerical error, you are sent to spend eternity haunting Lancashire instead.

That's where the cleric who made the error lives.

You have just realised that the clerical error means that you are now haunting Lancashire, when in fact the true depth of the error is that you never actually died yet.

That is not rigor mortis, its just a very serious hangover.