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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Bad News
For the makers of Zopiclone and other such sedatives/night sedation!
Good News
Civilization as we know it has ended so now we can all return to "Reality TV" and Eastenders.
Bad News
You're appearing in the next reality show, in which you have to be a stuntman for an episode of Eastenders.
Good News
The latest incident in Eastenders involves Alfie drowning in a vat of beer.
Bad News
It's KwikSave's own-label lager-style beer, which retails at 20p per pint.
Good News
Everyone mourns Alfie so much that they end Eastenders. Forever.
Bad News
It's replaced by Westenders, a soap opera set among the theatre-going chattering classes.
Good News
At least it won't take six of them to make a brain.
Bad News
It will take seven.
Good News
Seven is the scriptwriter's luck number, so he will gamble everything he has on roulette.
Bad News
The roulette wheel is made out of swiss roll shaped french cheese, the casino is really a front for some bent butchers money laundering scam and you are accused of interfering with a dozen disabled dolphins by your unworthy peers.
Good News
The unworthy peer is Lord Archer. Oblig.
Bad News
Your DNA was found on one of the aforementioned porpoise, a pork pie is located in your make up drawer and thats Port Salut in your hair!
Good News
The pork pie tasted really nice with that slice of wild garden pickle (see other game!)
Bad News
The pickle was really a slug with the face of James Dean!
good news
The Silver Spider Porche 505 never crashed ..it merely nudged a bollard on the A14
Bad News
the nudged bollard threw the contraflow system out of alignment and the resulting traffic confusion and congestion snaked back towards the M6 to the west and Ipswich to the east, preventing thousands of families from arriving on time for their holdays on the Norfolk Broads.
Good News
It was raining, so they wouldn't have enjoyed them anyway.
Bad News
It was acid rain and 50% of them melted!
Good News
The Litmus paper states that the acid is benign, almost alkaline, and Morrissey walks into your living room with the acetate of his new LP "You are the Quarry"...you get a taxi to Bermondsey to celebrate.*champagne pops*
Bad news
Your taxi gets caught in the nation-wide gridlock caused by problems on the M6, and you have no food.
Good News
The term gridlock as it applies to the alimentary system has finally been allowed the official term ridlock
Bad news
You are in a hotel room in Soho with Morrissey and there are a dozen taxi's outside..you hail one and forget to blow him
Good News
You also stole his hearing aid, so he is no longer able to make mind numbing solo albums!
Bad News
You forgot you were his agent - now you're skint. (This is getting very silly)
Good News
Liberated from possessions, you go away and sit in a cave for ten years, and so find enlightenment.
Bad News
You now have a very sore arse, intolerance to light, loss of all social niceties and have no clothes.
Good News
You are, therefore, ideally suited to a position in local government. you make stacks of money by awarding contracts to huge faceless corporations that bung you some tax-free cash in exchange. (oh just read the bath chronicle you'll see what I mean...)
Bad News
Those faceless corporations are Halliburton, Parmalat, and Enron.
Good News
You are therefore untouchable, and can rest soundly knowing they will never even attempt to prosecute you.
Bad News
They do, however, prosecute your cat, your mother and anyone else who ever remotely knew you.
Good News
Your conscience having withered years back through your suspect business practices, you simply couldn't care less.
Bad News
Everything else about your person has also withered
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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord