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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Good News
Civilization as we know it has ended so now we can all return to "Reality TV" and Eastenders.
Bad News
You're appearing in the next reality show, in which you have to be a stuntman for an episode of Eastenders.
Good News
The latest incident in Eastenders involves Alfie drowning in a vat of beer.
Bad News
It's KwikSave's own-label lager-style beer, which retails at 20p per pint.
Good News
Everyone mourns Alfie so much that they end Eastenders. Forever.
Bad News
It's replaced by Westenders, a soap opera set among the theatre-going chattering classes.
Good News
At least it won't take six of them to make a brain.
Bad News
It will take seven.
Good News
Seven is the scriptwriter's luck number, so he will gamble everything he has on roulette.
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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord