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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Bad News
You can hear an ominous ticking from this crocodile.
Good News
Maybe it's just a harmless clockodile.
Bad News
Yeah, but that's brown trousers time if you're a pirate.
Good News
That's more than offset by the fact that you get to say things like "Arrrr! Splice the mizzen! Avast behind! Arrrrr!" etc.
Bad News
But only once a year.
Good News
At Chrismas time, on a big stage, with lots of B status type celebs, from crap soaps and you get paid to do it!!!
Bad News
There are numerous category D type celebs present too, including Ainsley Harriot (to whom you owe a sexual favour), plus you are getting paid in pigs trotters, which are no longer legal tender in your tent.
Good News
At least you don't owe sexual favours to Anthony Worrel Thompson or Keith Floyd
Bad News
But unfortunately they owe you.
Good News
Their `debt' can be exchanged for points, and what do points mean?
Bad News
The loss of my driving licence.....sigh!!
Good News
You ghe chance to get lots of healthy walking exercise, during which you can reflect edifyingly on the transgressions which led you to this sorry pass.
Bad News
As you stumlbe across the sodden Heath you realise that these boots weren't made for walking.
Good News
But the reinforced steel stillettos are perfect for collecting paper and trash, thus performing a good deed for the environment.
Bad News
A heel's just come off.
Good News
You won't get back pain in later life from walking in flat shoes.
Bad News
You'll get it anyway, to judge from my contemporaries.
Good News
You'll have a good excuse to lie down a lot and have things done for you.
Bad News
You don't really get to choose who you get.
Good News
Martin Shaw is one of the volunteers
Bad News
I asked, but got Sandie Shaw.
Good News
At least you didn't get Harold Shipman.
Bad News
you have an unexplicable desire to write to all his victims families , to try and undo all the bad that's been done, in a rather clumsy and invasive manner.
Good News
Your computer crashes just before you print off all the letters, you realise you cant be bothered typing it all out again, so give up on the idea.
Bad News
You've been using M$ Word, so the AutoRecovery Wizard kicks in and brings the text back onto your screen.
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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord