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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Bad News
Not me.
Good News
CNN is not available here.
Bad News
That won't stop us from receiving biased broadcasting
Good News
The BBC charter is up for public consultation,
Bad News
They're going to consult with a wide range of 10-16 year old Busted fans..
Good News
Luckily, no-one can understand what they're saying, so no-one will take any notice anyway.
Bad News
Unfortunately, the consultant will be a secret Busted fan and so will base his recommendations upon their incoherent ramblings.
Good News
Busted have been scientifically proven to improve brain power and concentration in the under-5s.
Bad News
Under-5s don't pay the license fee.
Good News
Neither does anyone else.
Bad News
This means that we're back to Jim Davidson's Generation Game on a Saturday night.
Good News
People will be forced to resurrect the lost arts of evening conversation.
Bad News
All of their conversation will consist of moaning of how there's never anything decent on the telly on a Saturday night.
Good News
The conversation will probably turn to cricket.
Bad News
Sky will win all the bids to show cricket anyway.
Good News
In which case there'll be extensive coverage of a national sport that England actually excel at. Wahay.
Bad News
England will suffer defeat at the hands of the UAE, Canada and France in quick succession.
Good News
It'll all be over very quickly, then we can get on with being bad at something else.
Bad news
The BBC will cancel all decent weekday programmes to show us being bad at everything else.
Good News
But the viewers will enjoy that, since the Brits are so good at Schadenfreude.
Bad News
Sadly, the Germans for one are better, seeing as they have a more accurate idea of what it is and can change the meaning at will.
Good News
Thankfully, for the sake of uniformity we can take it to the courts at Brussels and have them change the entire language.
Bad News
By an EU directive, any change to German must be uniform across all other European languages.
Good News
Ve hef vays (er, sorry) of ignoring EU directives.
Bad News
Still, 'Nadolig Llanen' doesn't sound quite right.
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It doesn't matter - everyone in Brussels is getting drunk.
Bad News
They'll be in a bad legislative mood when the hangover kicks in.
News
The Belgians are famous for all the varieties of beer they brew, however, I can't think of any famous ones.
Bad News
The most famous ones are illegal in this country!
Good News
Day trips to Brussels might be getting cheaper.
Bad News
More asylum seekers are clinging to the bottoms of the return journeys.
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Most of the return journeys are done by ferry. (ouch, even from me)
Bad News
Have you been on a ferry for two hours with a bunch of people returning from a booze-buying trip?
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