...you will need a sharp cleaver or axe. I prefer to use an Acme Xtrasharp #43, honed like a razor and as light as a feather. Incidentally, they also make a superb nailfile, which is excellent for picking locks. Hold the axe in balance and take a....

...swig of Vodka, for resolve of course, and being careful not to drop the bottle, make your backswing and then with a ...

...long sweeping arc bring the axe down to within an inch of the pickle. The sudden sight a sleek sharpend blade will...

...cause...

...the wild pickle to blanch and then jump headlong into your creel or other ready container. Mind you, you must act swiftly while the pickle is still stunned by fright. Then take the pickle inside. Halve it, chop, and add to the tuna mixture. Be careful not to ...