Keith Floyd, that famous rock guitarist who made those wonderful videos of marching hammers and singing frogs. Before he came along I never knew that West Ham fans were so disciplined, and I certainly never expected the French to be able to sing. However...

...here's the recipe for the muffins. Start with one medium-sized tuna, preferably dead. If not dead, see a vintage copy of Joy of Cooking for how to dispatch tuna. Anyway, halve the tuna and put the front half in a blender with some hot water and mix on high until...

...you have a smelly congealed mush. Boil the kettle and take a well earned rest with a cup of tea and two biscuits of you choice. Refreshed...

...you can take out your hunting gear and go out into the garden. Trying to capture an elusive pickle is...

...one of the few remaining decent sports in this country of ours, and all the more satisfying for the high levels of skill it requires. The first step of course is to hide behind a bush and make a noise like...