...be the new Doctor!" Well, I was flabbergasted, I can tell you! Me and Mr Trellis (may he rest in peace) met at a Dr Who convention, you know, and it has always been a dream of mine to...

...say that I too have reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Well, wasting no time, I leapt into the TARDIS and...

... landed on K9, who promptly began chewing my fingers off. Having at last found his 'off' switch, I turned around to find that the robot dog seemed to have mated with a Cyberman (or possibly Cyberwoman) to produce...

...Anne Robinson. Screaming in terror, I took us back to the Triassic period and fed her to a passing dinosaur. While I was there I saw...

a talking onion called Dave, who I'd met once before during an.....