...it goes right past you. Oh well, i shall have to do my best and....

...whilst running after the bus try and remember what on earth I was going to tell you about December. That's right, the exploding...

...Uncle Bulgaria took me completely by surprise. There I was, just strolling through Wimbledon, when...

...DOOSH! and the hedge I was near disappered into an equal ratio of flying debris and smoking crater. If it hadn't been for...

...the the myriad of Christmas lights in the Cherry tree, I would have surely landed on their flasing Father Christmas. When I was back on the ground the householder introduced themselves as...

..Osbournes. Naturally, I turned heel and ran for my sanity. Crossing the common, I happened to notice..

...Ozzy turn into a bat and chase me. I'd have been a goner if it wasn't for the quick arrival of...

...Count Dracula, who immediately launched a lawsuit against him for stealing his idea. I never heard of the outcome; I supposed that they had settled out of court, but this was all inconsequential as I....

...tripped and fell headfirst into an open manhole, straight into the sewer! I almost passed out, but was saved by...

..Sadam Hussein on his way back to his bolt hole. "Hello," he said, "I am the president of Iraq, I am prepared to negotiate." I thought he looked a very nice man, although his beard was full of faeces and his breath smelt like a camel's. I stood on his shoulders and just able to reach a...

..ladder to the surface, I realised there were a cluster of American gentlemen above me, brandishing weapons. Realising that publicly humiliating the American military, though not difficult, would earn me instant worldwide fame, I naturally told them I was Saddam, to which they...