...me! My cunning plan had come to fruition! Also, I had put myself in a package disguised as a jar of Walnut & Grasshopper Chutney to be delivered "post-haste" (ha ha ha) to my erstwhile partner in crime. The first thing she said to me when she opened the package was...

..."you dozy twat - you never got little Samantha a birthday present last August!" I was so stunned by this outburst that I...

...immediately went to try and locate the perfect gift. However, I did have to avoid...

...the legions of police who were scouring the country for me, so I cunningly disguised myself...

as Berthold Brecht. Thus, slipping easily through the police cordon on the M3 at Frimley, I made my way to....

junction 2 (the M25), where they were digging up the....

...corpse of the real Berthold Brecht, whose coffin had been removed from Europe and interred in Britain years ago as part of a secret plot on the part of the...