...the warden was coshed from behind with a jar of grasshopper and walnut chutney by...

...Chutney Cheryl, the wing's chutney baron. "Come on, Trellis," she growled, "we're breaking out." Obviously, I didn't break out with Cheryl, but she wasn't too disappointed, because...

..she wanted the secret of my grasshopper and walnut chutney. But I wasn't that much of a pushover, and I traded it for snout. Meanwhile...

... back in Aldershot, Mildred had a suspect package delivered which turned out to be ...

...me! My cunning plan had come to fruition! Also, I had put myself in a package disguised as a jar of Walnut & Grasshopper Chutney to be delivered "post-haste" (ha ha ha) to my erstwhile partner in crime. The first thing she said to me when she opened the package was...