..that I had "Unwin's Syndrome". A congenital defect since birth, which I had had all my life without knowing it in the fundermold. It was then that the prosecution also noticed that I was a convicted tautologist but my lawyer...

was a certified taxidermist. The rest of the prosecution's case consisted of them screeching with laughter and shouting "Stuff her! Haahahahah!". I found this extremely annoying and the judge agreed, as he only sentenced me to..

...death, with time off for lewd behaviour. I think he was losing the plot frankly, as all through the proceedings he...

... fiddled with his Knitting Nancy. Behaving in a lewd manner in order to escape death row was going to be a doddle, so I wandered off in search of ....

...a copy of Who's Who. Having acquired this, I proceeded to...