..bolster the Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch village hall roof repair fund. It is such a shame that such a lovely building, made out of antracite slag, should be in such disrepair. I hope that you will all dig deep into your pockets. The vicar says that he...

...has an injunction against me coming with 200 metres of him or the church, since the unfortunate Walnut and Grasshopper Chutney incident. I think that it was a complete over-reaction, myself, I mean all I did was...

..., well I would tell you all, but the injunction prevents me. September, with the leaves falling from the trees and autumn starting, was.....

... the start of Autumn with the leaves falling from the trees and I found, to my horror, that not only was I short of cash, but also experiencing an alarming vocabulary deficiency. This shortage of vocabulary forced me to ...

...thingummy...

.....and then watsit. Alarmed at this strange state of affairs, I went to the doctor who told me to....

...diddly durbley dowacky winjar. Or at least that's what it sounded like to me. It was then that I remembered...

... the word 'stirrup'. Coupled with the word 'chutney' it made a pleasing sound, so armed with my new phrase I spent the following week inserting it into ...

...every sentence I stirrup chutney could. However, my stirrup chutney neighbours soon...

Filed a stirrup chutney law suit against me, claiming I was a thigummy, or whatsit, I don't remember. But anyway, I had to hire a stirrup chutney lawyer who

...would adequately stirrup chutney me. His primary defence stirrup chutney was...

..that I had "Unwin's Syndrome". A congenital defect since birth, which I had had all my life without knowing it in the fundermold. It was then that the prosecution also noticed that I was a convicted tautologist but my lawyer...

was a certified taxidermist. The rest of the prosecution's case consisted of them screeching with laughter and shouting "Stuff her! Haahahahah!". I found this extremely annoying and the judge agreed, as he only sentenced me to..