...I was arrested for loitering. In the jail cell, I met a gentleman called Cyril, who offered to...

...provide me with a complete set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica for only £10. Unfortunately, all I had on me at the time was...

my underwear, but it was clean, untorn and fairly new, so after he thought a while and scratched his...

lottery scratch card (which, miraculously (or, at the very least, fortuitously) gave him an instant win of £10,000) he, no long needing to sell me his set of encyclopaedias, very generously gave them to me for nothing. I opened a volume at random and was amazed when my eye lighted on the entry titled...

...Chutney, Walnut and Grasshopper. Infuriated at its failure to mention me at any point, I threw the encyclopaedia across the cell, and it struck the guard on the side of the...