..singing outside the Dog and Duck, opposite the police station where that nice PC Plod will supply us with mince pies and mulled cocoa, and then we will...
...his head feels so leathery to the touch. I then intend to present some chutney to the Franciscan in the vicar's presence, who I trust will provide us with...
..Vanuatu. The weather was lovely, not at all like North Wales. I particularly liked the volcanos. We have something similar in Blaenau Ffestiniog, although it doesn't smoke..
...should be served with walnut and grasshopper chutney. Well, seeing as they'd used the last of our supplies to stick themselves to our car, we had no recourse but to...
...dash right into the rainforest and hide in an ancient Mayan temple until they'd all gone away. Little did we know (da-da-da-dumm!) that the temple was...
...copyright statement. I must say I was rather surprised by all this, because, as you know, I've always thought of myself as Mrs Trellis, but suddenly I realised she was my...
...violence from the director of this reality TV show when he, and a few heavies, burst onto the set demanding why I was messing up his Chrysanthemum show. I managed to escape by...
...offering my sexual service to all six of them, and then when they collapsed into an exhausted heap, I took the director's car keys and drove away in...
..his Lamborghini. I was very impressed by the gear shift although the engine pinked a bit when I was driving down the M6 at 20 mph. I noticed that I had spilt some chutney on the white leather seats and while I was trying to clean it off I ran into the back of..
lottery scratch card (which, miraculously (or, at the very least, fortuitously) gave him an instant win of £10,000) he, no long needing to sell me his set of encyclopaedias, very generously gave them to me for nothing. I opened a volume at random and was amazed when my eye lighted on the entry titled...
...Chutney, Walnut and Grasshopper. Infuriated at its failure to mention me at any point, I threw the encyclopaedia across the cell, and it struck the guard on the side of the...
custody desk, knocking his tea over onto the charge sheet and thus obscuring the reason for my arrest - I was free to go! Well, after all that adventure, you can imagine I was ready for ...
... a meaningless sexual encounter. Not surprisingly, I failed to achieve that, so immediately turned my thoughts towards a potential money-spinning project which entailed matching B-List celebrities and their favourite soft furnishings for yet another reality TV show. Well, I'd got as far as Dale Winton coupling with a Tyrolean sheepskin rug, when .....
...they turned into a giant talking banana, so I chatted with him for a few minutes before losing consciousness completely. When I woke up, I discovered that I was, in fact, in...
s..s...stuttered, realising that the farmer had divested ladies knickers, a kind of Freudian slip I supposed. Remembering I'd brought my 80-litre capacity handbag with me, I...
... the little demons find them really comfortable. Realising I stole that part of the plot from an episode of 'Strange', I decided to get on with and legged it across the plantation, pursued by...
...three alarmingly large men and an enormous buffalo. Suddenly I skidded to a sudden stop, incredibly handy as I had just reached the edge of a cliff. There was nothing I could do but...