My doctor, who is a keen D.I.Y. type, tells me that there is now a simple step-by-step procedure for those with ladder problems.

An unnerving ladder problem is getting half way up and discovering that there is a rug missing.

New legislation coming in 2006 will make it illegal to sell non-prescription rugs in the UK.

Flix] I bet there will still be lots of cack everywhere though.

There will be lots of ushers on the streets.

Yes, but there's a dozen uses for every usher.

Aiden Ridgeway is a Senator in the Australian parliament's upper house. Where I come from aidens used to be hung from the ceiling - usually in the scullery.

The most senior politician in the UK is always very formal and demure, and is therefore known as the Prim Minister.

The Prime Minister, whether having artistic appreciation or not, cannot be Head of Tate.

The Australian opposition leader in the parliament did, by his own admission, attack a taxi driver over some dispute or other and broke his arm. Labor party faithfuls have embraced the man - they love hugs.

I see a big hand and a little hand, the result of cock watching I guess..

This game's going downhill - I'm off to have a pee at the telly.

I am advised that watching so called 'reality' shows on television is not good for those living in drought stricken areas. Apparently it's not good for the rain.