Ladies and gents, please welcome the Claus family and their son Sandy and the El Toe family, and their daughter whose name is not on the list, but she's insisted upon being suspended from the ceiling for festive reasons. Furthermore I do believe however that things are likely to become somewhat 'over-familiar' here at the ball if yesterday evening's soiré is an indication, as I spotted Mummy kissing Sandy Claus underneath this Miss El Toe last night. Oh, and there's a chap called Noel here as well, and his friend Si Lentnight and the Sanna family, with their daughter who is alleged to have solicited for sexual purposes, though it was never proven. Please welcome also Mr and Mrs SinRoyalDavidCity, and their son Juan, and this evening's cabaret singer Mr. Harold Angel. Oh, and since this is a multicultural and multi-religious affair, I'm sure you'll all be delighted to learn that Theo Israel has been joined at last by his long awaited guest Emmanuelle. Many of you may wish to rejoice, since you've long been expecting that.

LAST ORDERS AT THE BAR PLEASE !! Twelth Night as come and gorn ! Ain't you lot got stables to go to ?

New theme? Or something completely different?

And now for something...I've tried to think of some suggestions, but for now seem to be drawing a blank.

...completely different. All further arrivals must stay under the line. Mornington Crescent

Um, I said Mornington Crescent. Where's the Grim Reaper when you need him?

Over 'ere, mate. Time to give this one a decent burial. Anybody fancy a Geographer's Ball? Lots of weird-sounding specialist terms.