Visual Eyeglasses for Windows, or VE for short, is simply another programming tool from Microsoft forming part of its Visual Studio series. VE provides an integrated development environment for programming the next generation of mobile eyeglasses. As well as providing the usual focusing and sun-shading functions, these glasses will be able to access the Internet (albeit a subset called EAP), play Java games, and emit a user-definable piercing tone whenever the forehead reaches a certain temperature. The more advanced models will even provide an auto-shutdown of the cranium when the brain is not in use, as an energy-saving measure.

Visual Eyeglasses for Windows 1.0 will be available in the UK from February 2004, the price probably somewhere in the £50 for the Home edition up to £3000 for the Enterprise edition.

Meanwhile, I've been curious about the Facial Stylus for Men. Anyone seen one?

This is for men who want to enhance their manly looks by augmenting their beard. You use the device to first pluck a hair from your scalp, nose, ears, or anywhere else you have hair to spare, and then implant it into your face. Repeat 10,000 times.

The Furnace-Cast High-Sintered CrackStop ProShield sounds very effective at whatever it's for...is it?

This piece of equpitment was banned from field hockey recently. Basically its goal-keeper's kit, but the idea of the ProSheild was that it was so large it obscuered the whole goal, making it impossible for the opposition to score. The drawback was that it was furnace-cast from iron, so agility of any form was severly limited.

I've heard of super Delux Clock Cream but it has slipped my mind what the primary use for this is. Enlighten me please!

Lib, there is an old wives tale which relates to daubing (with butter) the paws of cats when they move residence; I'm sure you will have heard of it - or even used it! This super Delux Clock Cream which you mention is something similar. In fact it is the diluted version of the de luxe cream which is often used on clock radios when they are relocated in order that they do not become alarmed.

Hopefully I shall be settled in my new abode in the near future, but the real estate agent said that the building includes a reflective grid which she stated was beneficial but expanded no further. Surely it's not a one-way mirror?

The reflective grid is a system of tiny polished bars on your windows that act to prevent flies walking across the glass

I was offered a Trunk Bunk the other day in a pub, should I accept and what is it?