I'll take the Blue Hydrocrete as I am tired of carrying around tubes of glue that get my pockets all sticky. Not any more thanks to Blue Hydrocrete^TM. It's a solid inert lump until you just add water. Then it magically turns into the stickiest substance on earth, so strong it can hold shelves to walls, rail carriages together and even has a number of uses in emergency medical procedures. Comes in various shades from cool azure to harsh cobalt.

This seems to be drawing a little inspiration from the Innovations Catalogue (RIP).

However, I'll leave the Black Titanium XT at home if that's ok. Can anyone explain?

I thought everybody knew the Black Titanium XT!

For those of you who have not been educated in magic, it is a form of jet, usually attached to a sore part of the body (and particularly sought after by ladies with large, err, accoutrements) which vibrates at 4.77MHz.

Now (Yes, I realise this is early days) my new home has a brand new/refurbished/rebuilt-after-the-fire kitchen, but the man said I had to use a pantechnicon. What is it?

Do you watch that BBC series Rogue Traders Dujon? If so, you'll know what I mean when I tell you your man should definitely be featured. The pantechnicon was a fifties item used supposedly to facilitate the installing of new pipes, it consisted of three large ball bearings hanging from a piece of string. Supposedly this would help level said pipes. This was of course complete rubbish as none of the pantechnicons produced were quite the right size. They're no longer produced today so your man is obviously after collecting one of these instruments as they are now quite highly sought after. Save your purse the grief and get rid of him.

I heard tell the other day of the Austrian Clutch, could someone enlighten me?

This is a board game inspired by Hitler's rise to power. The players play heads of state of various European countries, and see who can most effectively use bluff, threats, coups, betrayal, and sudden overwhelming invasions to take over the whole of Europe without actually declaring war.

Visual Eyeglasses for Windows sounds rather tautological -- what is it/are they?

Just to slightly amplify my last, the title suffered in translation, the original German being Anschlu&sslig;! (with the exclamation mark).