Do your car bumpers keep on getting scuffed and bent when parking in cramped spaces? Are you afraid to ram the idiot in front of you in case you mess up their finish? Then you need BumperWrap bumper defenders. These easily-fitted accessories provide an extra six solid inches of rigid foam protection. You can drive with confidence that your car will shrug off all minor knocks and scrapes, and you can simply pop them off and stow them in the boot when you need to impress a date with your car's pristine condition. You'd use a knuckleduster to hit someone in the jaw: doesn't your car deserve the same?

What would I do with a Black Titanium XT?

What do they use Blue Hydrocrete for?

Oops, I only meant to put in one of those. Answer whichever you like.

I'll take the Blue Hydrocrete as I am tired of carrying around tubes of glue that get my pockets all sticky. Not any more thanks to Blue Hydrocrete^TM. It's a solid inert lump until you just add water. Then it magically turns into the stickiest substance on earth, so strong it can hold shelves to walls, rail carriages together and even has a number of uses in emergency medical procedures. Comes in various shades from cool azure to harsh cobalt.

This seems to be drawing a little inspiration from the Innovations Catalogue (RIP).

However, I'll leave the Black Titanium XT at home if that's ok. Can anyone explain?

I thought everybody knew the Black Titanium XT!

For those of you who have not been educated in magic, it is a form of jet, usually attached to a sore part of the body (and particularly sought after by ladies with large, err, accoutrements) which vibrates at 4.77MHz.

Now (Yes, I realise this is early days) my new home has a brand new/refurbished/rebuilt-after-the-fire kitchen, but the man said I had to use a pantechnicon. What is it?

Do you watch that BBC series Rogue Traders Dujon? If so, you'll know what I mean when I tell you your man should definitely be featured. The pantechnicon was a fifties item used supposedly to facilitate the installing of new pipes, it consisted of three large ball bearings hanging from a piece of string. Supposedly this would help level said pipes. This was of course complete rubbish as none of the pantechnicons produced were quite the right size. They're no longer produced today so your man is obviously after collecting one of these instruments as they are now quite highly sought after. Save your purse the grief and get rid of him.

I heard tell the other day of the Austrian Clutch, could someone enlighten me?