[BtD] Oh. Never mind then. I would ask for a garibaldi, but I suspect that would be in the same category as the custard creams.

Many are called to the Morniverse, but few are blessed with the extraordinary blend of luck, skill and irresistible charm that characterised Lord Hamilton's illustrious career. Although he no longer participates at the competitive level, he is fondly remembered by all who saw him in action, and in the years since his retirement his name has become a byword for courteous and enlightened play. All too often in these dark, hubristic times, when the spirit of Eamonn Ruttsborough casts its long shadow across the land, one finds oneself harking back to a more civilized age to say "This would never have happened in Lord Hamilton's day."

It gives me great pleasure to lift the veil and reveal to you all that our beloved Penelope is actually Madonna and much to her delight she has managed to keep this quite for a long time (I wonder how many other celebs are hiding out down here?!). The pressure of fame quite often gets a bit much for Madge and there's nothing that she finds more relaxing than being amongst her Crescenter friends. Of course, when attending Pligs she wears a disguise (and very good it is too, so I've been told) but i'm sure she'll be delighted to give a rendition of her musical masterpiece, 'Like a virgin'.

miaow!

Despite his pleadings to the contrary, Fat German is indeed Uwe von Schweinshaxen auf München, weighing in at 138kg. A connisseur of cheeses, he learned of the MC sites via his English colleagues (the Cheddar Gorges). It is from them that he has learned both MC and, indeed, the English language. His early posts at York show the great influence of the regulars on his speech:

Fat German: Vneek! Die Trelliswürmhol has put me in der Spoon! Danke Schön, you Schweinhund PaulWay! Dollis Hill! Jibbel!

After nearly choking to death on a liverwurst in 2000, von Schweinshaxen re-dedicated his life to MC, winning the Deutschland Open (CF84+FO) in both singles and doubles competition -- and narrowly losing the all-in match to Jörg Grönback (2nd cousin of Otto). With the Lock Cup resurrected, look for Fat German to make a good run to the top of the ladder.