Born in Camberwell in 1667, fortuitously escaping both the Great Plague and ensuing Fire of London (and indeed the blame for the same), Thos has been kept alive to this day by liberal application of Royal Jelly and as such has quite rightly become a National Institution in his own right. Indeed, around the time that Robert Walpole became the first British Prime Minister, there were calls from literally several people for Thos to be considered instead for the role; similarly there have been many vain calls for public holidays dedicated in his honour. Perhaps the most fascinating fact about Thos is that not only did he play both Mr Big and Sherrif J W Pepper in the Bond movie Live and Let Die, he also co-wrote the screenplay, and was the inspiration behind the theme tune more popularly credited to the McCartneys.

Custard Cream anyone?

The diminutive Mr Way is known throughout the Morniverse for his niggardly style of play and base sense of humour. This unfortunate penchant for fart jokes derives from his childhood on the shores of a hot mud spring in New Zealand where, if one is being honest, there isn't much else to find amusing. That notwithstanding, the skills which he learnt in sensing the imminent arrival of and dodging the inevitable ejecta from those foul eructations of superheated volcanic steam (flavoured as they are with hydrogen sulphide) have proved invaluable on the Golden Field of play where it is impossible to surprise him with anything much less extreme than a forty kilotoken cascade. The walls of awards, trophies and memorabilia collected over the decades of brutal competition are a testament to Paul's uncompromising play and unwavering will to win.

[BtD] No, thank you. Do you have any bourbons?

Self-effacing to the point of hermitism, matt is rarely seen by day - in fact he is rarely seen at all, cooped up as he is in his electronics-stuffed garret in Silicon Valley. Surrounded by machines of dazzling complexity, all of his own creation, he simmultaneously posts to a thousand websites, mostly propounding his strong NRA pro-gun ethics and attempting to make the death penalty legal in every so-called democracy. His postings to the Morniverse should be seen in this context, as the tiniest filament of the web of internet presence that is "matt". His favorite book is 1984, which he believes to be a Utopian view of the future.