Ah, the good doctor, who, like his tardis-travelling namesake, can be found virtually in any place at any time. Erudite, learned, witty, with nary a hint of the malice, agression or repressed hostility that seems so often to pervade the contributions of many of his fellow toilers in the fertile linguistic vineyard that is MC, he straddles the virtual multiverse like a Titan, needing to make nothing more than a comment here and there, the odd line of verse and occasionally an MC move of such subtelty and finess as to defy analysis, to leave us mere mortals quailing and floundering in the bow wave of the battleship of his intellect. Such a pity that his real name's Malcolm and that he's the assistant manager of Beaumont Beds in Lewisham High Street.

Dan may be best known in the MC community for running the MCiOS server, notorious hotbed of radical conservatism, but that is just one tiny corner of the multimedia propaganda empire masterminded by this darling of the New Right. His hectic schedule of rabble-rousing talk radio, Fox News panel discussions, prolific liberal-bashing newspaper screeds (syndicated worldwide) and constant personal appearances everywhere from college campuses to white-supremacist militia camps, leaves barely time for sleep and food, let alone Mornington Crescent. Yet this heroic scourge of the left still manages not only to maintain his own MC site but contribute moves to dozens of games elsewhere, all in his characteristically merciless, go-getting style. Bleeding heart crescenters beware!

The hand-picked successor to Colin Sell, JLE (actually related to Dunx, but neither will admit it) is the foremost proponent of the Ruttsborough Style of MC since, well, Eamon Ruttsborough himself. Quite a shame as he applies it to his music. He is also a well-known amateur cricketer who boasts that he can bowl a wrong'un, despite no evidence of it ever being seen by anyone sober -- along with the claims of hitting 5 sixes in an over (never attested to), and clean-bowling Nick Knight (everyone's done that). When he's not tickling the keys of the piano, keyboard, or his Vauxhall Nova, he can be seen leading the cheers at Manchester City matches with his little baton.

In an effort to hide the circumstance that he is, in fact, an unusually home-loving person who seldom if ever stirs outside the borders of Llandudno, CdM has been known to play MC around the clock, thereby simulating a presence in almost every part of the known world. His hobbies include Sumo wrestling and growing potted fronds, and he works as a part-time name writer for IKEA products.

Kevan is, in fact, an entirely artificial construct. Generated by mistake in a top secret Haywards Heath laboratory, "he" is in fact several million lines of unterminated code, replicating "him"self every 2 years, the clone killing its parent as soon as it works out how to terminate all the uncommented instructions. It is believed that Kevan deduced the existence of the Internet from first principles, and established a connection in spite of there being no comms link to the server on which he resides. "His" minders have given up attempts to power down the server, and now simply keep "him" pointed to various MC serves, observing that "he" manages to pass the Turing test in the context of these games without anyone suspecting. Engage "him" in open play if you must, but remember - like the Urban Spaceman, baby - he don't exist!