With her stunning good looks and seductive smile, you might be tempted into thinking penelope might be a bit of a soft touch in the competitive arena. You would be wrong. Anyone who been subjected to her sharp sword of wit, armed with nothing other than the trusty shield of bad puns will have emerged red-faced.

Sorry, pen, you suggested this game...

On the internet, they famously said, no-one need know you are a dog. And so it goes in the morniverse: you can adopt the persona of a witty middle-aged Scotsman who loves karting and Patrick O'Brian novels, and who has an unfashionable tendency to counterpin the Picadilly Line when in knip; and no-one need know you are actually a precocious eleven year old named Tiffany who lives in Vancouver, watches American Idol religiously, collects stuffed animals, and has Justin Timberlake posters all over her bedroom walls. No-one need know until now, that is.

[CdM] ... and I hope you all admired my cunning disguise when I came to the Pilg.

[CdM] ... and another thing. It was kind of you to refer to a 61 year old as "middle-aged".

Boolbar was born in Jamaica in 1932 and works as a kipper skinner with other escaped convicts aboard the ‘Jolly Badger’, a fishing vessel docked in Northampton for tax reasons. Trade is not good, so he spends much of his time surfing the internet and plucking his bikini line in preparation for his cabaret act - impersonating Justin Timberlake. Fast approaching his 72nd birthday, he is suprisingly popular, especially with lady farmers.